The Balance of the Universe
by avesnovuelan
Summary: Partly because I hate Christopher. Mostly because I like screwing with the balance of the universe. Christopher never existed. Rory was the product of rape. JavaJunkie, focus is on LorelaiRory relationship. COMPLETE STORY, sequel to come.
1. Prologue: Fifteen

Prologue: Fifteen.

Lorelai Gilmore was fifteen and on top of the world.

A fun-loving, pseudo-rebel, Lorelai spent her time causing trouble with her friends, watching movies, eating junk food, making cynical comments in class, and casually dating and promptly dumping a long string of high-school losers. Although she had done her share of fooling around, she had never let anyone go all the way. None of the boys she went out with were worth her. None could match her wit, intelligence or sense of humor. So she waited. She was having a lot of fun being single for the time being.

Richard and Emily Gilmore were out of town, as usual. After a particularly depressing date, Lorelai decided to cut it short and catch a little SNL. She made some popcorn, changed into her pink ducky pajamas, and curled up with a pillow and turned on the TV. A noise from downstairs startled her, but she soon decided that it was probably just her mother's newest maid, who actually deserved most of Emily's criticism for being loud and clumsy.

The maid was in the hall now. It sounded like she was going from room to room searching for something. Now she was outside Lorelai's bedroom. Hey wait…hadn't the maid gone home several hours ago?

The bedroom door flew open. The man was wearing faded blue jeans and a brown leather jacket. And a ski mask. She recognized the clothes…he had been at the restaurant that she and the boy had been at earlier that night. She had felt like he was watching her. He had left the same time they did…

These things ran through her mind, but the knife in his hand soon pushed all conscious thought away. She could feel the blood pounding in her ears, which seemed impossible since she was sure that it was all in her feet. Her hands were cold and her mouth went dry, and she swallowed down vomit that had somehow managed to creep into her throat.

All of these weird feelings would forever be imprinted in her mind. For as long as she lived she would still feel the man's touch, smell his odor, taste the blood in her mouth from where his fist forced her lip to split over her teeth. Two months later the pounding heart, cold hands, and sick feeling would return as she sat in the doctor's office staring at the results of the pregnancy test. This time the vomit would end up in a kidney-shaped emesis basin held in the hands of the quick-thinking nurse, and a box of Kleenex would absorb the tears previously unloaded into her pillow.

A/N: In case you didn't notice, Christopher WILL NOT EXIST in this fic (throw a party!) **Please review and make suggestions. This has the potential to be a long one if there is interest.**


	2. Chapter 1: Sixteen

Disclaimer (sorry I forgot this part before): If you recognize it, it's not mine.

* * *

Chapter 1: Sixteen

"Happy Birthday, Lorelai."

Her mother's words were sweet and superficial, and hurt her stomach like really sugary candy. Or maybe it was some leftover morning sickness. It was hard to tell.

"What's this?"

"That's pate, Lorelai. Try it, you'll like it."

"It smells like Clorox."

In retrospect, that might not have been the best comment to make at that particular time. It led to a huge upset in the ever-so-delicate Gilmore universe. One thing led to another led to Lorelai sitting arms-crossed on her bed, pouting and wondering how long it would take her mom to script the prescribed guilt trip and come deliver it.

Not long was the answer.

"Lorelai you are being very rude. This is your party, you know."

"Yes mom, but…" To tell or not to tell...

"No buts. Now get back down there and apologize to your guests."

"Mom…"

"We will discuss this later. Now go.

"Mom I'm pregnant."

Silence.

"Mom, did you hear me?"

More silence.

"Mom!"

"Well? Who is he?"

"I, I…I don't know."

For a full thirty seconds Emily did not breathe. Then she turned around and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. For the rest of the night Lorelai stayed in her room. The noise level from downstairs slowly dwindled, and there was no sign of her parents. Lorelai wondered if the whole conversation (if it could be called that) had really happened at all.

And there was evening, and morning, the first day. The first day of Lorelai's new life. There was not a single fiber of her being that wanted to go downstairs for breakfast. Except her hungry stomach. And the hungry baby inside. So she put her bathrobe on and made her way down the stairs. She avoided eye-contact as she slid into her chair and eyed the plate in front of her. Her usual toast and coffee had been replaced with pancakes, scrambled eggs, grapefruit, milk, and herbal tea. A pill the size of her thumb sat next to her plate. Lorelai eyed it suspiciously.

"It's a vitamin. Take it, it's good for you." Emily didn't look up.

Lorelai sighed and set her fork down.

"So how long is this going to last?"

"How long is what going to last?"

"This. You two shutting me out. Aren't you mad? I'm tired and nauseous and hormonal and stressed and I'm not sure how long I can sit here with you two acting as though it were just another day. It's like that book, what is it called? There's this part where the woman is in the room with a crazy psycho-killer and he can see her because of the funny night-goggles but she can't see him. And she's looking around horrified because she knows something bad is going to happen but she is completely helpless, and the worst part is, the psycho killer enjoys every minute of it!"

"Your point, Lorelai?"

"I'm Clarice! And I can feel something evil lurking but I can't see it! So turn the light on already. I can't possibly defend myself against an attack that I can't see. So attack me already! Turn on the damn light and attack me."

"What exactly do you want me to say? Congratulations? My daughter, _my only daughter_ is pregnant! And she doesn't even know who the father is! How many possibilities are there, Lorelai?"

"The Silence of the Lambs!"

"What?"

"That's the name of the…um… of the book." Lorelai turned her face down and let her voice drop off to almost nothing.

"Answer me. How many?"

"It's not like that, mom."

"Well then what is it like? I simply want to know who the father of my daughter's child is. You say you don't know who it is, which means that there must be several options. So tell me. How many?"

"There's one, okay? Just one. There was one man, and I don't know who he was. So there you go, happy now?"

Emily gave "humph," set her fork next to her plate, stood up from the table, and left the room.

Lorelai, always uncomfortable with silence, turned her attention to her father, who had yet to look up from his daily copy of the Wall Street Journal. "So, dad, anything new in the finance world?"

Richard lowered his newspaper and took a deep breath in preparation for his one and only statement on the matter.

"Lorelai, your mother and I could not be more disappointed."

For the next several weeks the Gilmore residence was filled with an icy stillness. No one spoke. Lorelai was almost sure that no one breathed. It was like something out of the twilight zone. In her imagination, Lorelai was a ghost. She moved around the house, seeing everything but not being seen. She and her environment co-existed without interacting or changing each other. Lorelai never told her parents the truth about her pregnancy. Part of her wanted to. Another part was sure they wouldn't believe her. But the biggest, strongest part of her wanted to pretend that the story her parents believed was true. She wanted to believe that the child inside of her was the product of her own poor choice, a one-night stand with a mysterious stranger. It would have been beautiful and romantic and sad and tragic all at once.

You know it's funny. They say that if a person tells herself the same lie over and over again enough times she will eventually come to believe it.

* * *

A/N: I need feedback. For how long do you want me to continue with Lorelai at sixteen? Should I do some intermittent chapters between sixteen and the present? What would you guys like to hear? I feed off reviews, so don't let me starve! 


	3. Chapter 2: Seventeen

**Synopsis**: Chris never existed. Rory was the product of rape. In this chapter Lorelai is still 16.

**Disclaimer**: If you recognize it it's not mine. I wish it was, but I also wish I had a pony, and a million dollars, and some chocolate. Ooh, chocolate. What was I talking about?

**A/N** Expect more soon. This is just to keep you all interested.

Chapter 2: Seventeen

"Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

"Lorelai, Rory is crying."

"I hear her, mom."

"Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

"Lorelai!"

"I'm coming!"

Lorelai came stumbling down the stairs, still in her pajamas. Her hair was pulled into a messy pony-tail and her face was unwashed and without make-up. She looked pale and tired.

"You're a mother now, Lorelai. I'm sorry if that means you need to get up before noon, but babies don't stick to the same time schedule as teenagers."

"Yes, mom."

"And just because you're sick doesn't change anything. Babies don't go away just because you're sick."

"Yes, mom."

Lorelai lifted eight-month-old Rory out of her playpen and held her against her shoulder.

"When I said I'd watch her so you could rest this morning, I didn't think you were planning on giving Sleeping Beauty a run for her money."

Lorelai's touch soon brought Rory's cries down to a soft whimper. She lowered the tone of her voice for her daughter's sake and said, "Okay. I get it. Go to your function or luncheon or whatever it is you have to do, alright? You are released from your grandmotherly duties. Just go."

As soon as her mother was out the door, Lorelai began to pack. She grabbed Rory's diaper bag, which was really her former school backpack (because she couldn't stand using the designer one her parents had purchased) and a suitcase for herself. She threw in only the absolute essentials- clothes, toothpaste, diapers, a few cassette tapes and her walkman, Rory's crazy stuffed rooster that she loved so much- and left. The note on the table in the foyer was only an afterthought:

_Dear Emily and Richard,_

_We'll be fine. Don't bother looking for us, I'll call you eventually. _

_Lorelai and Rory_

She needed money, but her parents had become quite paranoid about keeping cash around the house since the break-in. It had been more than a year earlier. Among the things that had been stolen were the comforter from Lorelai's bed and some of her clothes, some leftover ordure's, and a few valuable-looking things that had been in plain sight, like some crystal candle holders and a silver vase. After that they started keeping all of their valuables in the safe, including cash. Of course Lorelai didn't have the combination (because children can't be trusted with that sort of thing). So she took the $14.96 that she had in her purse and all of the nice jewelry she had in her own room. She didn't know how far that would get her, but she did know that she couldn't stay in the same house with her mother for another second.

* * *

At the bus station Lorelai looked at the map, trying to decide where to go. Rory was sitting in her stroller next to her mother, sucking her pacifier and playing with a rattle.

"So, what do you think, kid? It has to be somewhere kind of far or else they'll find us. New Haven? No, Yale is there, so Dad probably knows people. Litchfield? No, that costs extra. Here, you pick."

Lorelai picked up her daughter and showed her the map. Her drool-covered eight-month-old hands reached out for the most colorful thing in front of her, which was a "historical site" icon next to a little town called Stars Hollow.

Rain from a summer storm streamed off the bus windows. Even though it was only early afternoon, it was as dark as dusk outside. Rory napped on her mother's lap, while Lorelai listened to the Bangles in her walkman and watched the rain. The town of Stars Hollow was little more than a colorful, wet, blur. The bus stopped and the last passengers disembarked. With her backpack on her back, Rory in the stroller covered by a blanket and Lorelai's raincoat, and the suitcase precariously balanced underneath the stroller threatening to attempt escape at any moment, Lorelai Gilmore set off looking for a place to start over.

She found the Independence Inn.

"I'm here for a job, any job. I'll do whatever you want. I'll answer phones or mow the lawn or clean toilets. Yeah, that's it, I'll clean toilets. I'll be a maid. I promise I can do it. Just let me stay here. I'll work for nothing. I may not have any experience but let me tell you, I've seen my share of maids. I am sure that in the 17 years I have lived my mother has personally hired, trained, and fired every woman between the ages of 17 and 60 on the east coast."

Mia, the owner and manager of the inn, looked at Lorelai, then at Rory, and then back at Lorelai. The girl definitely did not want for money, her wardrobe proved that. It was clear that whatever had brought her to the doorstep that day was deep rooted and painful. Whatever it was had been buried beneath a very thick, very sassy, "who cares" attitude.

"Alright. You can stay in the potting shed behind the inn. It's small but it's insulated, heated, and the roof doesn't leak. There's a bed and a bathtub that were getting too old to use in a guest room but are still too nice to throw out. You'll start work tomorrow. I'll pay you the same as I pay my other starting maids, minus 30 percent for rent. You have one month to prove that you're worth my investment."

"Perfect."

* * *

Mia's initial roughness didn't last long. She managed to "forget" to deduct rent from Lorelai's first paycheck, deducted it from the second just to save face, and then forgot it permanently.

When she wasn't working, hanging out in the kitchen for the free food, or giving the other maids hell, Lorelai spent most of her time in her small cottage, admiring the rose-bud wallpaper and watching her baby girl play. Rory was very independent. She was clearly attached to her mother, but spent a lot of time playing quietly on the floor by herself.

Working with a baby to look after proved to be no easy task. Sometimes Jane, an older maid who worked the morning shift (Lorelai worked afternoons) would watch her, but most of the time Rory had to come along on her mother's rounds. Lorelai improvised a baby-carrier out of an old bed sheet and would carry Rory when she could, but the baby was getting bigger and bigger every day, which meant heavier and heavier. And when Lorelai did carpets she had no choice but to leave Rory with the kitchen staff because she couldn't stand the noise from the vacuum cleaner. The only problem with that was that most of the kitchen staff was Mexican men who spoke no English and really did not know what to do with a baby. It was easier when she would be doing a thorough cleaning after the guests left. She could do the carpet, then bring Rory in and set her down on the clean floor while she cleaned the rest of the room.

Lorelai was having recurring nightmares. They were filled with dark images of a man in a ski-mask with a switch-blade, who smelled of alcohol and marijuana. Sometimes in her dreams she saw Rory in a ski-mask. She would wake up feeling disoriented and sometimes forget where she was. The dreams were so real that she wondered if they weren't memories of a past life. There were moments between sleep and awake when she would let herself remember the awful truth of Rory's conception, but the one-night-stand story had been worked out so well in her head that she honestly didn't know what to think. How could her daughter, whom she loved so much, have been created in anything but love?

Sometimes, after a nightmare when insomnia would take over, she would just spend hours watching her baby sleep. Rory already had a full head of dark brown hair, just like hers. Her head was the right size for her body. That thought made Lorelai smile, remembering her mother's teasing about her own abnormally large baby-head. She wasn't sure if she missed her mom or not. There had been times in the first couple months of Rory's life when it had been nice to have Emily around. She knew things like "That kind of crying means she's gassy, hold her so she's face down," and "If you wash that shirt right away it won't smell like rotten milk." Emily had really done the best she could, since Lorelai refused to let her hire a nanny.

Other than the time she let Mia call her mother to tell her she was alright, Lorelai had had no contact whatsoever with her parents. Even for the one phone call. Lorelai had refused to say anything, letting Mia do the talking while she listened in on the speaker phone. She had started and then promptly torn up and thrown away at least a dozen letters to home, convinced that nothing she could say would suffice. Interesting that Lorelai, who was usually the most verbal person in any room, had no words for her parents.

She did talk to Rory, though. During their long mornings alone in the potting shed with nothing but a tape player for entertainment, Lorelai would talk and talk and talk, mostly to keep herself occupied but also for her daughter's sake. "You came out of my body, kid, so some day you'd better be able to keep up with me in a conversation."

Rory would coo and giggle because her mother liked to talk in funny voices.

"Have you ever wondered why this is called a potting shed? No type of potting takes place out here, and I highly doubt it ever has. We'll have to come up with something to tell people when they visit. How about this: There was once a boy named Wilbur Potting. His parents were so poor that they could only feed him grass and tree-bark. One year army-worms killed all the grass and chewed all the bark off the trees, so his parents sent him off to fend for himself. He stumbled across an old shed in the middle of the woods. Wilber was a very clever boy, so soon he had fixed the shed up so that it was nice enough to live in. In the process of restoring the house he discovered a great deal of canned tomatoes under the floor, so that's all he ate for three months, until a kindly stranger found him living in the woods. The stranger owned the land the shed was on and wanted to turn it into an inn. So he gave Wilbur a job as a handyman and let him continue living in the shed until he died 80 years later. To this day the shed he once lived in is called the Potting shed in his honor."

Had Rory been able to talk she might have marveled at the shed's remarkable durability, seeing as they were living in it more than eighty years after Wilbur Potting had originally found it, but instead she giggled and cooed and clapped her hands at her silly mommy.

And so the Gilmore girls set into a nice little rhythm at the Inn. Lorelai worked. Rory grew. And for a while all was well in the universe.


	4. Chapter 3: Twentytwo

**Disclaimer**: No matter how much I beg and plead, the CW refuses to give me rights to Gilmore Girls.

**A/N: **Okay, you see, I put a cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter with nothing to back it up. I was originally planning to do Lorelai at 18 in this chapter. But it is going no where. So ignore the last line of the last chapter. In fact, I'm taking it out, but if you already read it, I'm sorry. Also, if you're wanting some Luke action, be patient! If we're being consistent with the show, she meets him at 28. She's not 28 yet. She will be soon, but not yet.

Chapter 3: Twenty-two.

Lorelai picked up Rory's pink Barbie backpack with a grunt. "Child, what could you possibly have in this bag? You're starting kindergarten, not Harvard.

Rory didn't answer. She was too busy reading, yes _reading,_ for the fourth time, all of the letters the school had sent her mother.

Lorelai shook her head. "Curse whoever bought you _Ready, Set, Read!_ Oh wait, that was me."

Lorelai opened the backpack to find not only _Ready, Set, Read!_ but also five other books. "Honey, do you really think you're going to have time for all these?"

"_Ready, Set, Read! _is to lend to other kids, Wishbone's _Gulliver's Travels_ and the Narnia book are for the bus, and Nancy Drew and the Bobsey Twins are for nap time."

"And _The Iliad_?"

"Mia gave me that for you to read to me."

"Well, then, that one stays at home. And so does _Ready, Set, Read_! It is the teacher's job to teach the other kids, not yours, understood?"

"Okay."

"You can pick one book to read on the bus, but you need to nap during nap time, okay? Besides, you're too young for a slip disk."

"I guess. Can I wear your _Chico and the Man_ t-shirt?"

"Really?" Lorelai gave her daughter a cock-eyed look.

"Pleeeeeease?"

"Sure, kid, whatever you want," and then under her breath, "Weirdo."

At the school, Lorelai watched from the door while the cute little Korean girl instantly made friends with Rory. They ran to a table near the window and instantly began bonding. Other children were running around screaming, throwing toys and giving the teacher gray hair.

One of the other adults, a younger-than-average looking man in a nice jacket, noticed Lorelai as the only other person close to his age-range and made his way over.

"Let me tell you, all these old duds with their kids make me kind of sick. It's nice to see another young face around here," he started.

"Oh, hi, so is one of these kids yours?" Lorelai gave a shy smile. It dawned on her in that moment how little social interaction she had had with other adults recently. She saw people at work, but that was different. Now her kid was in school. She was going to have to re-acclimate herself to this.

"What?" The man seemed confused. "No, no, of course not. That little dude in the blue over there is my brother. I'm assuming one of these is your brother or sister?"

Lorelai looked down at her shoes for a second to process what he had just asked her, then looked up and said, "Um, yeah, something like that. So, I gotta go, I think there's a _Lifetime_ move I'm supposed to be in or something like that, it was nice running into you…"

"Trevor."

"Trevor, right. Well it was nice meeting you, Trevor, and I'll uh, see you around."

With one last 'good-bye' wave to Rory, Lorelai made her way out of the school.

Walking down the hall her mind was a blur. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She had to get out of that school, just had to. Her hands were shaking and her head was spinning. Once out of the school she looked around frantically for a safe place to…to…to do something. She just needed…something.

The playground. It was just to the left and it was empty. Recess wouldn't be for hours. She nearly flew there, threw herself into the mostly-closed area under the slide, and lost it. She cried. She cried until she couldn't breathe. She cried and hyperventilated and cried and sobbed and cried some more. And then she laughed. She wondered what exactly a nervous breakdown felt like, which made her laugh harder. She wiped her face on her sleeve, stood up (careful not to hit her head on the slide) and started to make her way back to the inn. She chalked it up to stress and the fact that she hadn't had a young mom freak-out in a long time

* * *

"Okay, kids, let's settle down. Let's make a circle on the floor. Just find a spot to sit on the tape, no fighting, yelling or spitting. Okay. Now we're going to start by getting to know each other a little better. So why don't we go around the circle and say our names, our favorite kind of ice-cream, and what our mommies and daddies do. I'll start. I'm Mrs. Chipski, I like root-beer ice-cream, and my parents were teachers too. Okay, Billy, it's your turn." 

"I'm Billy. I like chocolate ice cream. My mom is a nurse and my dad is a doctor."

"I'm Susan, I like vanilla ice cream, my mom works at the library and my dad is a construction worker."

"I'm Lane, and my parents own an antiques store, and I eat tofice-cream. It tastes like cardboard."

"I'm Rory. I like rocky-road ice-cream with extra marshmallows and chocolate syrup and strawberry sauce with all the strawberries picked out. My mom is a maid."

"And your dad?" the teacher asked innocently.

"Um…I don't have a dad."

The teacher looked embarrassed, and made a mental reminder to read the class list a little closer. "Oh, of course, well, who's next, then?"

* * *

Lorelai took her fifteen at 3 so she could go pick Rory up from school. Together they walked back to the inn. 

"…so then we saw the cafeteria and the library, oh my god did I tell you about the library! They don't have any books beyond a _sixth grade_ level. I already read at a sixth-grade level! I thought they were supposed to _teach_ us things in school. But the good news is that we're taking a field trip to the public library on Friday."

"Hun, you've already been to the public library. You have a library card. You have two library cards, in case something happens to one of them."

"Yes, but when you take me to the library you always go straight to the kids corner and play with the puppets."

"You love those puppets!"

"You make them talk in funny voices, and you're always too loud and the library ladies always come and shush us."

"So are you telling me that you'd rather _read_ than watch my puppet show? What about the time that I reenacted the Joanie and Chachi scene from the finale of Happy Days?"

"You mean the time that they threatened to ban us?"

"No…um…rats. So what else did you do today?"

"We mostly just got to know each other. Do I have a daddy?"

Lorelai had unfortunately chosen this moment to take a sip of coffee, which promptly found itself being sprayed all over her face and shirt.

"What?!?"

"We all told each other what our mommies and daddies do. I told them I don't have a daddy because I didn't think they'd believe the story about me showing up in a basket on the doorstep with a note saying "please take care of this baby," which by the way I know you stole from _Another Mouse to Feed_, which is one of the many books with more words than pictures that you can find in our school library. So I was just wondering if I have a daddy."

There it was again, that recurring nightmare. She hadn't had it or even thought about it in more than a year. A ski mask and the smell of alcohol and marijuana. A denim jacket. They were just dreams, products of her imagination. It was time to tell her daughter the truth, or at least the truth as Lorelai had come to know it.

"Well, yes, honey, you do have a daddy. Everyone has a daddy. It takes both a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, because mommy only has half of a baby in her tummy and she needs a daddy to give her the other half."

"So who is my daddy?"

"Well, you see, hun, I don't know who your daddy is. I met him one night, we drank wine and ate chicken, and he gave me your other half so that I could have you. Some mommies and daddies get married and some don't."

"Why didn't you and my daddy get married? Lane's mommy and daddy got married, and so did Billy's and Susan's."

"Look, kid, your dad came into town, gave me you, and then left, okay? I didn't know his name or what he does for work or where he's from. He gave me you and I'm happy and you're happy and who cares about Billy or Susan, anyway!" Lorelai was getting into her frustrated and angry voice, which she knew upset Rory but she didn't care. First that loser kid Trevor mistook her for Rory's sister, and now this.

Now we all know that Rory is an amazing, super-human child, but she is only five after all, and so not surprisingly her chin began to quiver and her eyes got all pouty, and then she began to cry.

Lorelai stopped walking (which forced Rory to stop walking on account of Lorelai was holding her hand), set her coffee down on a windowsill they were next to, and knelt down beside her daughter. Taking both of Rory's hands in hers, she looked her square in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled and I'm sorry I can't answer your question. I'm sorry we live in a tool shed and I'm sorry that you're going to have to spend yet another afternoon in the lobby because mommy has to work and Auntie Mia is still out of town, and I'm really sorry that your elementary school only has elementary school books."

"That's okay, mommy. I like being in the inn when you're working. Last week that new cook gave me cookies."

"Sookie? Well, we'll have to talk to her about that."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"How does the daddy get his half of the baby inside the mommy?"

"Oh boy."


	5. Chapter 4: Twentyseven

**Disclaimer:** Wow, you are dense if you still haven't figured out that I don't own Gilmore Girls.

**A/N**: Thanks for your patients. And now, the chapter you've all been waiting for (hint hint: LUKE!!!).

This chapter is dedicated to **cywen69**, a faithful reviewer and honest critic.

Chapter 4: Twenty-seven

Lorelai and eleven-year-old Rory were carrying boxes from a small trailer attached to the back of an old truck with the words "Independence Inn" on the side. In the bed of the truck were a bed and a couch.

"Do not say it. Don't say it!"

"But mom…"

"Don't!"

"But mom, don't you think it's just a little strange?"

"NO!"

"All I can say is that the woman who lived here before _clearly_ had unfinished business. Her son was missing, _missing_ when she died."

"Rory, there are NO ghosts in our new house! How do you know all these things, anyway?"

"From Babette."

"Who's Babette?"

"She's the neighbor lady. She let me pet her cat."

"Don't go talking to the neighbors without me! They could be psycho killers or rapists or kidnappers or republicans!"

"Babette is short, chubby, has blond curly hair and calls me sugar."

"Hmn. Well based on the short, chubby and blond I would say kidnapper, but the sugar part points me a little closer towards psycho killer."

"Mo-om!" Rory stretched the word into two syllables to emphasize her frustration.

"Fine then. But you'll be sorry when you're buried under the gnomes, fertilizing her flower beds."

"Maybe the ghost will get me first."

--

"And on the left ya got Dosey's Market. They sell pretty much everything you could ever need, except skin care products. For the good lotions and creams and stuff you gotta go to the beauty supply store. That's down the street…" Babette went on.

Walking four feet behind her, Lorelai and Rory talked softly.

"This is fun, isn't it? We've never had an official tour of Stars Hollow."

"Yeah, but we've lived here my entire life."

"So? There are still things we haven't seen."

"Like what?"

"Like…that gum, on the sidewalk right there. That's new."

"Mom!"

"What, I'm trying. Babette is having fun."

"Yes, but you told her that we've lived here my entire life, right?"

"Yeah, she knows. I think."

Babette was still talking. "This is Luke's diner. He's got the _best_ coffee in town, good burgers too. He's kind of grumpy, though, so you gotta watch out. Don't give him too much crap about the hat, either; there are rumors that it's surgically attached to his head."

"The best coffee in town, huh? Mom, have we been in there?"

"You know what? I don't think so, kid. We always plan on going in, but then we decide that pizza or Chinese sounds better."

"Or faster."

"Yeah, diners aren't fast food. We like our food fast. But the best coffee in town? How could I go eleven years without tasting the best coffee in town?"

"I don't know."

"Mmm, coffee. Time?"

"Two hours since your last cup."

"Two whole hours? Well that's it, it's settled. It must be fate. I've gone an eternity without coffee and we just happen to be outside the place that serves the best coffee in town. You go play along with the nice lady's tour; I'll catch up in five minutes."

The bell ringing over the door was nothing unusual. It hardly even fazed Luke. "Sit anywhere, I'll get to you in a minute," he barked without even looking up.

Lorelai didn't sit. She went right up behind him as he took an order from a table by the window, tapped on his shoulder, and said "All I want is coffee. A big cup, to go."

"Sit down and wait your turn."

"Please?"

"Just a minute."

"You must be Luke."

"That's me."

"Hello, my name is Lorelai and I'm addicted to coffee," Lorelai said in her best AA meeting voice.

"You're also really annoying."

"And a really good tipper if the coffee is good."

"Just a minute."

"That's quite a vocabulary you've got there, Duke. Does Mr. Webster know about you?"

"It's Luke."

"Yeah I know. So how about that coffee?"

"You're bothering my customers."

"Actually, we're enjoying this," Ms. Patty quipped from the corner.

"C'mon, Duke. Just one cup. I'll even put the cream and sugar in myself."

"Wait your turn."

"When's your birthday?"

"What?"

"Just tell me your birthday."

"Why?"

"Well, if you're not going to give me coffee I'm going to go crazy and end up in one of those rooms with the padded walls, and I'll want to be able to send you a card. So when's your birthday?"

"Lorelai's energy was slowly wearing him down."

"Hah!" Lorelai cried in victory. She went over to a man reading the newspaper. "Excuse me, can I borrow this? I'll give it right back." She picked up the horoscope section, tore something out, wrote on it, and handed it to Luke, who was staring behind the counter.

"What's this?"

"It's your horoscope."

Luke read it and something almost resembling a smile flashed on his face for a fraction of a second. Lorelai saw it and took it as a reward for a job well done.

"Now keep that, and one day it will bring you good luck."

He folded it and stuck it in the pocket of his flannel shirt. Wordlessly, he reached for a large paper mug, filled it with coffee, and set it on the counter. "Happy?"

"Elated. Have a nice day, Duke."

"It's _Luke_," he called after her, but she was already out the door.

--

Rory lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Then she looked at the clock. It was 1 am. Then she stared at the ceiling some more. Then she looked at the clock. It was 1:02.

Lorelai lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Then she looked at the clock. It was 1 am. Then she stared at the ceiling some more. Then she looked at the clock. It was 1:02.

This was going to be tough. In all of Rory's 11 years she and her mom had never had separate bedrooms.

Somewhere outside a tree branch scraped a window.

Something creaked.

Some window was whistling with the wind.

Exasperated, Lorelai threw the covers back and turned her light on. Then with a sigh she got out of bed and headed out the door.

Exasperated, Rory threw the covers back and turned her light on. Then with a sigh she got out of bed and headed out the door.

They met in the middle of the stairs. Both began to smile. And then giggle. And soon they were both collapsed on the stairs, laughing until they couldn't breathe, holding each other and gasping for air.

After about ten minutes when they had regained their composure (for the most part,) Lorelai asked, "The ghost?"

"Something like that," Rory answered with a smile.

**A/N** So I'm sorry that there are some plot inconsistencies in this chapter. Supposedly Lorelai met Luke eight years before they started going out. That would mean that Rory was twelve, not eleven, and that Lorelai was twenty-eight. But I can't imagine Lorelai moving into her new house and not meeting Luke, especially with Babette as a neighbor. In "Rory's Birthday Parties" we learn that they've lived next door to Babette since Rory was "about ten." So I compromised and made her eleven. I figure "about ten" could mean eleven, and "eight years" could be an estimation. Also I know this chapter was kind of light-hearted, but don't worry there is some serious drama coming up soon. Hint hint: a certain hansom teacher from Chilton may be making an appearance.


	6. Chapter 5: Thirtytwo

**Disclaimer**: Okay, I admit it. I am ASP. Since they kicked me off Gilmore Girls I have been reduced to writing fan fiction. …. NOT! I did steal some dialogue for this chapter, though. It's in _italics_.

**WARNING:** **THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M**. There is no full out porn, but it is still pretty mature. So kids, go get your fake IDs and then come back.

**Other warning**: As you will soon see, one Mr. Max Medina will be co-staring in this chapter. This is NOT a "teacher's pet" fic. He is in this chapter because, at age 32, Lorelai was dating Max and I am being as real to the plotline as possible given the fact that I eliminated Chris. This fic is sort of attempting to re-write Gilmore Girls as if Chris had never existed and Rory was the product of rape. Other than that I am leaving the plot alone. So this question seeks to answer the question "what would Lorelai and Max's relationship have been?" For those of you who hate Max, don't worry. He's not going to be around long.

Chapter 5: Thirty-two

"_I mean, I've dated, and, uh, you know, dated…"_

Well, that's if you count going to dinner with, sleeping with, and promptly dumping a dozen or so men in the last sixteen years. Or simply not returning their calls, that works too. Her longest relationship before Max lasted two weeks, and that was only because the guy couldn't get it up at first. Sex killed every relationship she'd ever had. She'd never made it to the second time.

"_Mr. Medina, is this my extra credit work because Missy just had to take a test!?!"_

That's it. Laugh and smile and say something cute: the patented Lorelai defense mechanism. Only this time it wasdifferent. This time it was Rory's teacher, and she liked him, and he knew where they lived, and no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to avoid him after this.

And to make it worse, she realized in that moment, to make it worse she thought she might actually care about him.

Max was something she needed at the time. She needed to prove to herself that she was capable of making it work.

So she shut the door. And for the first time ever, she wasn't _just_ going through the motions. It wasn't _completely_ meaningless.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't perfect, either, or easy. She was queasy and nervous and almost positive she was going to throw up all over him. But when he touched her it almost felt good, and that was a good start. She knew it was supposed to feel good, or at least that's what _Cosmopolitan_ said. She'd always kind of thought that sex was something she owed the man for buying her dinner or paying for the movie.

But this time, part of her actually wanted to do it. And that was what made her the most nervous.

So she played along. She undressed him and kissed him and touched him and during the actual deed she didn't stare at the wall or daydream like usual. She even looked him in the eye for a while. He smiled at her and she smiled back. She put more effort than usual into faking the orgasm, and he bought it. She really wanted to enjoy it. After all, all of the women on _Friends_ couldn't seem to get enough of it, and Max was loving it, she could tell that for sure.

"Are you okay?" he asked when his breathing had returned to something close to normal.

"Yeah, I'm good." She smiled reassuringly.

Normally at this point she would excuse herself to the bathroom to clean up and then leave, maybe even without saying goodbye depending on how low she felt. But she really wanted to make it work this time. So she stayed.

"Do you need anything? A drink of water or…" Lorelai couldn't tell if he was just being polite or if he was truly concerned for her comfort.

"No, no I'm fine," she answered.

They lay in silence for a few more moments.

"'Cause I can get you something…"

"No, really Max, I'm fine. Perfect. I'm like an Amish quilt without the flaw. Never been better." So that was a lie.

A few more moments passed before Lorelai said, "So I should probably get going. Rory usually waits up, even though I keep telling her not to, and I don't want her to think that her mother was killed by her English teacher because that might affect her school work, which would make people suspicious since she is also perfect, and eventually you could somehow get in trouble, and besides you don't have the really really good coffee here, so if I spent the night I'd probably never get up, and eventually I'd just die here and you'd have to deal with my body and how long are you going to let me keep going like this?"

"Just until the oxygen runs out."

"Well it's out, trust me."

"Lorelai, you are under no obligation to stay. I had a great time and I'll call you tomorrow. Go home."

Lorelai leaned over and gave him a kiss. Then she reached down over the side of the bed and grabbed her clothes, got dressed, and left.

Driving home she thought long and hard about what had just happened. She played it all over in her head—every touch and kiss, every word spoken and unspoken—and decided that it was good. It was healthy. It was what grown-ups were supposed to do, right?

She pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, and walked into the house. She hoped to make it upstairs quietly, but Rory was still awake.

Lorelai heckled her about Dean for a minute, and Rory retorted with some comments about the fact that it was 1 AM and she was just getting home. This in turn earned her a "_Night, mom_," from Lorelai.

"_Hey."_

"_What?"_

"_You look happy." _

"_I am, kid." _

"_Just checking." _

I think. This is what happy feels like, right?

--

The bell above the door rang cheerfully. Lorelai groaned. She stumbled to the counter, threw her things on the floor and dropped her head to the counter.

"Coffee?" Luke asked.

"Uh."

"Rough morning?"

"Late night."

"Ah."

"You know, studying and all. I'm in that business class, and…oh what the hell. I was with a guy."

"Ah."

"I don't know why I'm ashamed to tell you that, it's not like you care or anything."

"I do too care. We are friends, right?"

"Right, uh, yeah. Friends."

"So who is he?" Luke poured the coffee.

"He's just a guy."

"The same guy I saw you with during the snow storm?"

"Uh, yeah, he was here then."

"And that was what, a month ago?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"So this is pretty serious I guess."

"Well, no, we've only been dating a month."

"But for you that's like saying you've already printed the invitations."

"Ouch. Low blow, Ali."

"Sorry."

"Well you should be! It's not like you're one to talk, Hermy McHermitson."

"Hermy McHermitson?"

"Sorry. Another low blow. We need a referee."

"Or some switchblades."

"So…friends again?" Lorelai asked as she stood up and placed a bill on the counter.

"Friends again. You'll be here for lunch?"

"Only if I'm still breathing."

--

"_Why do we do this? Why do we let it get weird between us just when it's getting good again?"_ Max was almost yelling.

"_I don't know." _

"_I don't like it."_

"_I don't either!"_

"_And I'm sick of it."_

"_Well so am I!"_

"_We can't keep getting this close just to have something completely derail us again. And frankly there's only one thing I could think of that could solve it."_

"_Breaking up." _

Max sighed.

"_Well, I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing." _

"_We should get married." _

Blank stare.

This was it. It should have been obvious, right? She loved him, didn't she? And yes, she heckled him about music and candles and horses and daisies, but the answer should have been easy, right?

For the first time in Lorelai Gilmore's life, she was in a relationship. This wasn't just random sex with Trevor from Rory's school or a guy from business class. This was Rory's teacher. This was a man she'd slept with more than once—the only man she'd _ever_ slept with more than once. She must love him, right? That's what love is, right?

The next day he proposed for real. There were 1000 yellow daisies. Not exactly original, seeing as Lorelai herself had suggested it the day before, but she was wooed nonetheless. She couldn't help it. Despite sixteen years of failed attempts and false starts, Lorelai was a romantic at heart, and big things never failed to catch her attention.

So she said yes.

--

Several months later, in a club full of men dressed as famous women, with a lot of wine already in her blood and a long-island iced tea in front of her, Lorelai Gilmore's world was slowly falling apart.

"_But the thing I remember most,"_ Emily continued with the story of the week before her own wedding to Richard, thirty-four years earlier, _"was that for the entire week before my wedding, I'd wait until my mother went to sleep and I'd sneak out of bed, and I'd put on my wedding dress and my tiara and my gloves, and I would stare at myself in the mirror and think how very safe I felt, how very right and wise and honored…"_

Lorelai did not feel any of those things. And then Sookie had to call Jackson, and Rory was texting Dean, and Lorelai wanted anything in the world more than to be sitting at that table. She picked up the phone under the pretext of calling Max and walked over toward the bathrooms. She dialed the first three digits of his phone number and then promptly hung up and dropped the phone into her purse. Then she opened the door to the bathroom, and finding it empty, dropped her purse on the floor, grabbed the edges of the sink and looked in the mirror. She gripped the sink so hard that her knuckles turned white. Then she turned around, pushed her way into one of the stalls, and threw up.

Why was it that instead of gut-wrenching anticipation she was filled with gut-wrenching dread? Why was it that she hadn't given him keys yet, and she had to sleep in Rory's bed the previous night when Max was in her bed? She couldn't even sleep in the same bed as him. The only person she'd ever slept in the same bed with was Rory.

This was not right. This was not love. The realization hit Lorelai hard as she knelt there over the toilet, staring down into the water. This was not what happy felt like. Happy felt like butterflies and magic and trying the dress on over and over again just to see how it looked for the zillionth time. At some point, many years earlier, Lorelai had convinced herself that those things were only true in Meg Ryan movies, but there was her mom, living proof that even Mr. and Mrs. Hearts-of-ice themselves got to feel butterfly-y now and then.

The only thing Lorelai felt was terror. Complete and utter panic. And the need to throw up again.

So she did what came easiest: she ran. She took her kid and nearly everything they owned and ran to a creepy bed and breakfast. If it hadn't been for her job and Sookie and Lane and, yes, even Luke she would have run for good, but Stars Hollow was her home.

Rory wanted to "talk about it."

How do you explain something that you don't even understand yourself? How do you tell your sixteen year-old kid that the only reason you're marrying the man that she has grown so attached to is because he's the only man you've ever been able to tolerate for more than two weeks? Because he's the only man you've ever slept with and not wanted to clean yourself with steel wool afterwards?

What do you say when she won't stop turning the light back on and beating both your heads against a brick wall?

"_I'm sure. I wish I did love him. You have no idea how much." _

_--_

**A/N** Review please! And if there are any silent readers out there, speak up!


	7. Chapter 6: Thirtysix

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine. Don't sue me. Unless it means I get to be on _The People's Court_. Once again any stolen text is in _italics_. But don't be confused, some of my own text is in italics too, for effect. Okay, so maybe you should be confused. If you recognize it it's not mine.

**WARNING: This chapter is also rated M.** It's still not porno level, but for those with vivid imaginations it might warrant an NC17.

Drum-roll please….

Chapter 6: Thirty-six

"_Eight years." _Luke stated matter-of-factly.

"_Eight years."_ Lorelai said, touched.

"_Lorelai, this thing we're doing here, me, you, I just want you to know I'm in. I'm all in. Does that, uh, are you, uh, scared?_

Yes. Scared, petrified, frightened, horrified, and scared. Lorelai smiled shyly and blushed. She didn't know what to say.

She didn't know what to say because, for the first time in her life, she too was all in. Putting that into words seemed likely to jinx it. Luke was by far her best male friend and a close rival of Sookie for her best non-Rory friend. This was _her_ Luke. Luke was her coffee and burger supplier, her fixer of all things broken (and even some things that weren't), her sympathetic ear…and now, her boyfriend? Her…her lover?

"No, I'm not…not scared. I'm…excited."

Luke smiled.

--

"So…coffee?" Lorelai asked as Luke came to the corner at which he would have to decide whether to drive her home or to the diner.

"Coffee, yes, sure." Luke turned left and pulled to a stop in front of the diner. He walked around to the passenger side and opened her door. She smiled and, with only a split seconds worth of hesitation, took his hand and allowed him to help her out of the truck. Then she followed him into the diner and took her usual seat at the counter. Luke poured the coffee and stood there awkwardly while she took a sip.

Somehow having coffee in her hands always made it possible for Lorelai to think. Maybe it was because the coffee kept her from talking, which freed up a very large portion of her brain. So she took a sip and thought. And then she took a deep breath, set the cup down, and said, "So…"

Luke didn't let her finish her thought, which was convenient seeing as she really didn't know what to say next anyway. Instead he leaned across the counter and kissed her.

It wasn't like their first two kisses, shared passionately on the steps of the Dragonfly nearly three months earlier. It was friendlier, cuter, even playful, an attempt to shut her up and catch her attention at the same time.

Lorelai kissed him back with much more passion than he was displaying. If he was hesitant, she was hungry. The coffee forgotten, Lorelai stood up, pushing the stool behind her with her legs and grabbing the front of Luke's shirt at the same time. Breaking the kiss only when completely necessary to maneuver around the donuts and ketchup bottles, she pulled him to the end of the counter and threw her arms around his neck.

Luke was a little surprised by her energy, but returned it with equal enthusiasm. Breaking contact only when obligated by the need for oxygen, they stumbled up the stairs in mutual agreement. Half way there Lorelai tripped and landed solidly on her butt, pulling Luke down on top of her.

She giggled a little and buried her face in his shoulder as he raised himself up on his knees to avoid squishing her.

"Do you want to come upstairs?" he asked, completely unnecessarily.

"I'm so glad you asked." Lorelai accepted his hand as he helped her to her feet, and continued holding it as they walked, this time without the kissing, up the rest of the stairs.

Luke unlocked the door and set his keys on the table. Lorelai followed him inside and removed her sweater, laying it over the back of a chair. "So where were we?" she asked.

"Lorelai, are you sure you want to…"

"Yes," she said with no hesitation.

"We don't have to, I mean, If you'd rather…"

"No." Still no hesitation.

"Well, okay then…"

This time it was a little more awkward. They each took a step towards each other. Luke reached up and stroked Lorelai's arm, then slipped his hand behind her neck and pulled her in for another kiss.

Lorelai began to unbutton Luke's shirt, and then she pulled her lips away from his and let them trail over his chest as she slowly exposed it. Once his shirt was off, Luke quickly removed Lorelai's.

Before going any farther they made their way over to the bed. Lorelai climbed in eagerly and laid down across it the wrong direction, so that her legs from the knees down were still dangling off the side. This made it easy for Luke to remove her pants. He then removed his own and joined her under the covers.

The making-out continued for quite some time. It was a terrible battle between wanting to hurry the satisfaction and not wanting the night to ever end.

For Lorelai it was a beautiful, new, exciting, and somewhat intimidating experience. Not only did she want to enjoy Luke's touches and kisses, she really did enjoy them. She would never say it out loud because the teasing would never end, but she felt like _Like a Virgin_ should have been playing in the background. For the first time ever she was naked and vulnerable with a man and yet felt safe. She didn't have to force herself to look him in the eye, or tell herself that this was something she owed him. She didn't hesitate to shed the last of her clothing and open herself to him. And, for the first time in her entire life, she got to find out what an orgasm really felt like.

For a full five minutes when it was all over, Lorelai couldn't speak. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Luke said nothing either. He lay on top of her, supporting himself with his elbows so as to allow her to breathe, and rested his forehead on her shoulder.

Finally he rolled off to the side. Lorelai nuzzled in close to his side and rested her head on his chest. She didn't want to leave, ever, and Luke seemed alright with that. He played with her hair aimlessly and waited for her to say something.

Slowly she pulled her head off his chest and let it rest on the pillow beside him. She picked up his hand and started to play with it mindlessly.

"_I can't believe you kept that horoscope."_

It was beautiful. Their relationship had just been permanently changed, and yet there they were, joking about music and pirates and Ava Gardner, as naturally as always.

They reminisced about all the times that people had told them that they were in love with each other. Luke told her about the real reason Rachel had left, and Lorelai even told him about her long-ago confession to her mother: _"Do you have feelings for this man?" "I don't know, maybe I do."_ She also told him about the rest of her dream, about how they'd kissed in but she'd been embarrassed to tell him that part.

Around midnight the conversation turned a little more serious. Luke cleared his throat. "Um, so, I feel like I know a lot about you. We've known each other for a long time…"

"Eight years," Lorelai reminded him.

"We've known each other for eight years and we know each other pretty well."

"But..." Lorelai coached.

"But there is something I don't know. And I feel like I should. Not that you have to tell me or anything, but I figure if we're going to do this right we should know certain things about each other and…"

"Luke, baby, you're rambling. What do you want to know?"

"No, no it's not important."

"Right, because it's so common to need every tile in the scrabble box to ask a very unimportant question."

"It's just…I was wondering if you would tell me about Rory's dad."

"Ah."

"I'm sorry. That's a bad 'ah.' I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay…"

"I mean I'm assuming that she has a dad."

Lorelai smiled, more in self-defense than out of amusement. "Well, no, Rory is actually the super-human alien bastard child of Mulder and Scully. I adopted her, but didn't know she was an alien until she started reading at age three."

"The X-files, really?"

"What, you're not the only one with a nerdy side."

"But seriously, can I ask about her father? Or is that breaking some sort of single-parent code that I don't know about?"

"No, you can ask. I'm just not sure I can answer."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I understand."

"No, it's not like that. I want to answer you. The truth is…"

And there it was: that damn nightmare again. It hadn't shown its ugly face in years. It was only a dream. Rory, her beautiful, smart, funny, 100 lovable Rory, was _not_ the product of the man in that dream. _Could not_ _be_. She refused to accept the possibility. Rory was the product of a beautiful, romantic, perfect one-night stand with a mysterious stranger who gave Lorelai the precious gift of her daughter and a way out of her parents house. She had to be. Nothing as perfect as Rory could come from anything as evil as what she saw in her dream. _It's NOT possible!_

Lorelai didn't know when she had started to cry. Her mind had gone away. She was no longer laying in bed next to Luke, a man she loved and trusted. She was laying in bed with a complete stranger, an ugly, bad smelling stranger who was still mostly dressed, with just his jeans undone. Her pajamas were torn and her lip was bleeding, and there was a horrible, sharp, searing pain between her legs. She was nearly hyperventilating she was so terrified, yet this man just laid there, caressing her stomach with the tip of his knife and whispering threats in her ear in a voice that he probably considered romantic. She looked away from him, but he grabbed her face in his hand and made her look him in the eye while he spoke. _"You should thank me, Bitch. You're a woman now. You were too old to be a virgin, anyway."_

Luke didn't know what to do. Lorelai wasn't looking at him, she was staring at the ceiling, crying and having trouble breathing. He reached for her hand and she pulled it away as if his touch burned her. He didn't know what to do. He thought she was having some sort of breakdown, or maybe a flashback of some sort, although of what he couldn't tell. "Lorelai?" he asked. "Lorelai, look at me."

From somewhere inside the fog of her brain Lorelai heard her name, but she couldn't tell where it was coming from. Did this stranger know her? But no, this voice wasn't cruel and harsh, it was friendly. Guided by it she slowly found her way back to reality.

"Lorelai? What's wrong?"

--

**A/N** So I'm not a psychologist, so I'm sorry if my flashback doesn't quite resemble the way it would be in real life. I'm also a virgin, so I'm sorry if my sex (or almost sex) scenes don't quite resemble the way it is in real life either. I don't care if you love it or hate it, review anyway.


	8. Chapter 7: still Thirtysix

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Nothing clever to say this time.

Chapter Seven (she's still thirty-six):

From somewhere inside the fog of her brain Lorelai heard her name, but she couldn't tell where it was coming from. Did this stranger know her? But no, this voice wasn't cruel and harsh, it was friendly. Guided by this voice she slowly found her way back to reality.

"Lorelai? What's wrong? Lorelai?"

Lorelai closed her eyes tight and then opened them, re-focusing them on Luke's face. She took a breath and tried to decide how to explain.

"Where did you go just now?" Luke asked.

Lorelai decided to do what came easiest; she babbled. "Have you seen Batman Forever?"

Luke looked confused. "Yeah, I think. That's the one with the riddler, right?"

"Yeah, that's it. So you know in the scene where Val Kilmer and Nicole Kidman are in the living room and someone knocks over the rose, and Val has this weird flashback about his parents' funeral. Nicole gets that scary psychologist voice and says something corny, and I usually fast-forward that part, but you know what I'm talking about, right?"

"Yeah, I think I remember that."

"Well that's kind of like what happened here, except for the creepy bats, and the fact that if you ever go blond I'll never speak to you again."

"So…what were you, uh, remembering?"

Lorelai closed her eyes again. Why now? Of all the stupid, horrible, inconvenient times for this thing to rear its ugly head, why did it have to choose what would have otherwise been quite possibly the best night of her life?

Of course on the inside she knew the answer. Here, for the first time ever, it was safe to remember. Her sub-conscious knew that Luke was a man who wouldn't bolt or freak out of he knew the truth. It knew that Luke, unlike her parents, would believe her and wouldn't want to send her to lots of doctors or psychologists. It also knew that this wasn't something she could share with Rory (for obvious reasons) or Sookie (for some difficult to pinpoint reasons). But Luke was safe.

"I don't know. You asked me who Rory's dad is. I don't know the answer to that. My parents asked me the same thing when I told them I was pregnant. When I said I didn't know my mom assumed that it was because I had slept with dozens of men, and when I said that wasn't true she assumed that I'd had a one-night stand with some stranger. So I let her believe that. In a way, it almost sounded romantic. I pictured this mysterious stranger, riding in on a motorcycle and sweeping me off my feet. Not only did it seem romantic, but my parents were mortified at the mere thought, which made it even more romantic."

"That was the scary batman flashback? A guy on a motorcycle?"

"No. That's what my parents though happened. And that's what I told myself, and Rory when she was old enough to ask, and Max, and pretty much everyone. No, not pretty much. Everyone."

"So…what really happened?"

At this point, Lorelai was laying on her back staring at the ceiling, with the sheet tucked high under her arms. Luke was on his side, tracing his finger timidly up and down her arm, concern in his voice and a little bit of fear in his eyes. She turned her head towards him but couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.

"I…I don't know. I've pictured that story in my head so many times…every detail, exactly what I was wearing, the hotel we went to…for all I know, that's what really happened."

"Okay."

"But then there's the other thing. It's the thing that I used to have nightmares about and that makes me go all padded walls on you when you ask me about it."

"And what is that?"

"You have to understand that I've never, _ever_, told anyone this before. Never. Not a doctor or a shrink or a friend…I told Oprah once in a dream, but I don't think that counts. If I tell you, you have to promise not to wig out on me."

"I promise."

"Luke," Lorelai said with a warning tone in her voice.

"What? I said I promise."

"Because I called dibs on being the basket-case tonight, and if I tell you this and you go all ballistic on me, I'm likely to have a complete break-down."

"I said I promise."

"Okay. So the thing that I remember, or think I remember, or might remember but might only be a dream is…" Lorelai bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I think…I think I might have been raped."

"What?!?" Luke sat up suddenly.

Lorelai sat up too and put her hand on his arm. "Luke, you promised. If I'm going to tell you this you have to hold it together." Lorelai was using her serious voice, the one she only reserved for incredibly difficult moments. This voice was never used to tell a joke or lighten the mood. It was the 'I'm beyond humor, this is heavy' voice.

"I'm sorry. So…you might have been…" he couldn't even say the word. "But, you don't remember?"

"It's just that the other story is so…perfect. I've perfected it. I've pictured it in my head and changed it so that every little detail works perfectly. I actually wrote it down once, about ten years ago, in a letter that I plan on giving to Rory when she's 25. And when I wrote it, I kept erasing things and changing them to make it sound better. That's not remembering, that's writing or inventing. This other thing…it seems so real. In my dreams I can actually feel him touching me. I don't want it to be true. I don't want to believe it. But deep inside I know the truth. I hate it. I bury it away because I love Rory and I can't imagine her being the product of something so evil, but it's always been there, somewhere in the back of my mind. It comes up when I smell a certain odor, like alcohol mixed with marijuana. Whenever I bite my lip, like I did tonight while we were…you know, whenever that happens and I taste a little bit of blood; that brings it back. All of these little things, combined with my relationship history, they lead me to the same conclusion."

At this point they were both sitting up, facing each other at the head of Luke's bed. Lorelai had the sheet wrapped around her protectively. Luke had put his boxers back on at some point and only his legs were under the sheet. No longer fighting the tears, Lorelai began to sob openly, like she'd done only twice before in front of Luke, once in the hospital when her father had been sick, and once on a park bench when she'd been desperate for money. She buried her face in her hands and wept.

Luke sat there, too stunned to move. What she was telling him was almost incomprehensible. Who would do such a thing to a woman as kind, loving, beautiful and wonderful as Lorelai? Who would ever want to hurt her? His initial shock was slowly being replaced by anger, which soon turned into a burning fury.

"Who was he?" he demanded.

Lorelai misunderstood his anger, thinking it was directed at her, although that made no logical sense. So she got defensive.

"I don't know, okay? He was a stranger." She remembered everything now, as clearly as if it had happened that day. "I remember now, he was at the restaurant that I'd been at that night. I was just on a casual date, nothing serious. The guy dropped me off and I went inside to watch Saturday Night Live. This stranger must have followed us home. I thought it was the maid in the hallway, but just as I remembered that she'd already gone home he came into my room. I don't know what I did wrong! I don't know how I could have stopped him! God! This is the same reason I didn't tell my parents, the reason I wanted to just forget it ever happened." While she spoke, Lorelai had pulled herself out of the bed and was now standing beside it, yelling at Luke and simultaneously searching the ground next to the bed for her bra.

"Lorelai, wait!" Luke pushed himself to his knees so that he could reach her wrist and slowly guided her back to the bed. She sat on the edge tentatively and listened. "Do you think I'm mad at you?"

"Well…are you?" she asked.

"No. I'm mad at him…whoever he was. It's probably a good thing that you didn't know him, because if you had his name he'd be a dead man in the next ten minutes."

Through all of the pain and bad memories, Lorelai actually managed to smile at this comment.

"Come here," Luke said. Lorelai scooted herself closer to him and allowed him to cradle her head against his chest. He pulled her in close and gently laid them both back down, arranging the pillows underneath her with one hand while keeping her protectively close to him with the other.

She must have cried for an hour. There was no more talking or thinking or processing or remembering, just feeling. Luke just kept holding her, not knowing what else to do.

When she couldn't cry anymore, she pulled back only to see that Luke himself was fighting a few tears. She laughed a little, sniffed and said, "Look at this mess I made," indicating the tears and snot all over her face and his chest. He laughed and found a tissue for her. She wiped first her own face and then, with her head resting on her arm, she dabbed at his chest gently. "So…" she asked as she ran the Kleenex in little circles, "you still in? Because I'd understand if you wanted to take it back."

Luke placed his hand gently on the side of her face and turned her to look at him. "I'm in," he promised.

Lorelai looked away, finding it hard to look him in the eye. "Thank-you," she whispered.

"So what are you going to tell Rory?"

"Well, first of all I think she need to know how absolutely fabulous her coffee-supplier looks without his clothes on. She should probably also hear about the flannel sheets, just so that she can make a truly informed judgment."

"I'm being serious."

"I know, I know. I feel like, before, I wasn't lying to her because I wasn't really sure myself what the truth was. Now…I don't know. I don't know if I can tell her. What will she think? I don't want her to think of herself as the product of something evil. Rory is the most wonderful, good, pure, beautiful thing in my life. Her existence and that night are only connected by a technicality. She is my daughter, not his."

"So are you going to tell her?"

"Yes. No. I can't. But I have to."

"Glad that that's settled," Luke laughed.

"This isn't funny," Lorelai looked a little hurt.

"I'm sorry. I guess I should leave the humor up to you."

"Smart man." Lorelai sighed. "It's not settled. I don't know if I'll tell her or not. Maybe I'll write her another letter."

"Well I'm here if you need help or anything."

"Thanks. You know I think this is something I might have to do on my own. But thank-you."

--

**A/N**: I'm feeling a little stuck at this point. I want to write a scene about Lorelai telling Rory, but I also really want to get caught up to the present time. I think it makes sense for Lorelai not to tell Rory right away. So maybe its time to play catch-up. What do you think? WARNING: In sticking with the plot of the show, Luke and Lorelai will have to break up for a while.


	9. Chapter 8: Thirtyeight

**Disclaimer**: If I owned Gilmore Girls the show would suck. Fortunately, I do not own Gilmore Girls.

**A/N: **Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews. I only wish that you guys had graded the essay I just got back. C+. Ug. Oh well, I deserved it.

Chapter 8: Thirty-eight

Lorelai hung up the phone and looked at the clock: 7:00 AM. It was sweet that Luke had called, really it was. He knew she wouldn't be awake, but he was coming home that day and wouldn't get a chance to call later since his cell phone didn't work where they were and they wouldn't be stopping again.

She rubbed her eyes and looked around. She was still wearing the cute brown dress she'd worn to Lane's wedding. Her legs were covered by a thin blanket. She vaguely remembered being carried home by Sookie, Jackson and Rory. She couldn't remember what had happened to Tobin, who had agreed to be her date when Michelle bailed.

Sookie was asleep in the chair by the bed, with an empty ice-cream bucket in her lap. Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut tight, and then opened them. Yes, Sookie was still there. Lorelai threw a pillow at her.

"Gah! Lorelai, you're awake."

"You're loud. What are you doing here? And what's with the bucket?"

"I was afraid you were going to throw up."

"Well, I'm not. Go home. You have other children besides me. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Go."

"Okay. Well I left some hangover food in the fridge. Jackson filled your water bottle and there's a glass of water on the nightstand, so stay hydrated. Also here's some aspirin. And I'll make a pot of coffee before I leave. And…"

"Sookie! Go!"

"Alright alright. I'm gone."

"Thanks for everything. Oh, and I might be a little late today."

"Taken care of."

"Thanks."

Lorelai watched Sookie leave and then lay back down and screamed into the pillow. Of course this hurt her hung-over head, which only made her want to scream more.

Part of her really wanted to blame April. In a way, April was the other woman. April had taken her Luke away from her, and Lorelai wanted to blame her.

But when Lorelai pictured April in her head she saw a pre-teen Rory, crying in her mother's arms, all full of pre-teen hormones and self-doubt, asking if her daddy loved her. So she couldn't be mad at April.

Another, bigger part of her wanted to blame Anna. If she hadn't hidden April from Luke all these years, this wouldn't have happened. Luke would have gotten to know April years earlier, and it wouldn't have been such a big deal now. But when she pictured Anna, she saw herself, and the letter tucked under her mattress that she still hadn't given to Rory. Logically she knew it wasn't the same; Rory's dad had been an evil predator, April's was a sweet, loving, kind man who might not have wanted kids at the time. But both mothers were just trying to protect their daughters.

That left only two people to blame for the rift between Luke and Lorelai: Luke and Lorelai. And while Lorelai was not too self-centered to acknowledge her own role in the problem, most of the blame had to be placed on Luke.

Lorelai had tried over and over again to be understanding about the whole issue. She got that Luke needed time to get to know his daughter. She was even okay with the whole postponement of the wedding, although that is what most people thought she had a problem with. The only thing that really bothered her was Luke shutting her out. She wasn't allowed to be in the diner when April was there. Luke talked to her about April, but it was always a one-sided conversation. He told her about April, but she wasn't allowed to ask or give feedback. And for this reason, and this reason alone, she was losing faith.

--

After Logan's life and death brigade accident, Rory stayed with him as long as she could. She slept in the hospital waiting room and skipped all of her classes. She was concerned about him. But she was also thinking a great deal about the letter.

After Lane's wedding she and Sookie had dragged Lorelai up to bed. At one point, Lorelai had tripped and fell against the bed, pushing the mattress off the box spring about six inches. Rory went to pull it back in place and saw an envelope. Written in her mother's handwriting were the words "to Rory." Of course at that moment Lorelai had decided to throw up. Sookie brought her into the bathroom and held her hair back. Rory took that opportunity to grab the letter and slip it into the pocket of her coat.

Now she sat there in Logan's room, turning the envelope over and over in her hands. She had yet to open it. If her mom wanted her to have it, she would have given it to her, right? Maybe it was some sort of surprise. But Rory's birthday was months off and there were no upcoming holidays that would require presents. Plus, Lorelai wasn't the kind of person who would get a gift that would fit into an envelope.

As best as Rory could tell, it was a letter. She could see her mother's handwriting through the envelope, although she couldn't make out more than a couple words. It wasn't excessively thick. Rory didn't think that there was any money inside, just a letter.

Somehow, instinctively, she knew that it had to do with her dad. Every weirdness that had ever existed between Rory and Lorelai somehow had to do with her dad, with very few exceptions. The subject was very touchy, and Rory usually didn't bring it up. When she was younger she used to mourn the fact that she didn't know her father, but her mother had done such a good job, that she really couldn't call herself disadvantaged.

So now she sat there, trying to decide whether or not to open the envelope. Eventually, she reasoned, her mother was going to know that it was gone. She could just put it back and wait for her mother to give it to her herself. Or she could confront her with it, ask what it was and then let her decide what to do.

Logan was waking up. Rory slipped the letter back into her pocket and reached out to take Logan's hand. She gave him a confident smile.

--

A couple weeks later, once Logan was off to England, Rory went home for a visit, with the never forgotten letter in her purse. Her mom wasn't home.

--

Lorelai ran home with tears streaming down her face. Luke didn't want to marry her. She'd given him an ultimatum, and he'd said no. He'd said no!

She wiped her face with her hands and then wiped her hands on her dress. She stumbled on her high-heels, fell against the wall of whatever building she was running by, and then crumbled to her knees. She slapped the pavement hard with her open hands and screamed. She ripped off her heels and pulled herself to her feet. Shoes in hand, she staggered home in a mental blur.

Seeing her mom's condition as she burst through the door put all of her thoughts of the letter to the back of her mind.

"Rory?" Lorelai asked, stunned and elated at the same time.

"Mom, what happened?"

"We broke up," she sniffed. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to visit. Come here, let's talk."

They made their way to the couch, where they sat down and Rory pulled Lorelai's head into her lap, much like Lorelai had done years before when Rory first broke up with Dean. Lorelai couldn't cry. She just lay there in shock. For a full half hour she didn't say anything. She just lay there and breathed, occasionally taking a deeper breath trying to calm herself. Rory stroked her hair intently.

Finally Lorelai took a deep breath and said, "He doesn't want to marry me."

"Yes, yes he does. What are you talking about?"

"I…I told him I was tired of waiting and I wanted to elope. He said no."

"Oh, mom."

"He said no. He picked his daughter over me. He shut me out for months and finally he just said no."

"Mom, give him a chance. He'll come around."

"But I don't want to give him a chance. I've been giving him a chance for months, and he's blown it. I want him to marry me."

"He will."

"No. No, he won't. It's too late, Rory. I gave him an ultimatum."

"What if he changes his mind?"

"He won't. He doesn't want me."

"Yes he does. He pined for you for eight years."

Lorelai sighed. "Well, dating me for two must have finally gotten it out of his system."

They sat in silence for a minute. Rory was thinking about the envelope again. Lorelai was trying not to think at all.

When Lorelai spoke again, she rolled onto her back to look her daughter in the eye. "Rory?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"I have something for you."

"Oh. What is it?"

"It's upstairs. Hold on." Lorelai began to stand up.

"Mom, wait." Rory grabbed her wrist and pulled her to sit up next to her. "Is this it?" She grabbed the letter out of her pocket and handed it to Lorelai.

Lorelai turned it over in her hands. "How did you get this?"

"It was after Lane's wedding. You were drunk, and tripped, and the bed moved, and I saw it under the mattress."

Lorelai scrunched her eyebrows and looked at Rory. "You…you didn't open it."

"I wasn't sure if I should."

"Well…you should. Open it."

Rory tore the envelope one inch.

"Wait!" Lorelai pulled it from her hands. "I don't want to be here when you open it."

"Okay. I'll go in my room."

"No! You shouldn't be alone."

"Oh. Okay, I'll open it tomorrow with Paris."

"Ooh, no, not Paris. And not tomorrow. Call Lane."

"Lane's on her honeymoon."

"Oh, that's right, damn." Lorelai picked up the phone.

"Who are you calling?"

Lorelai put her finger up as the person on the other end answered. "Sookie?...Yeah, hi, I'm sorry it's late. Can you come over?...No, no one's hurt…well yes, I sound hurt, but physically I'm okay…look, I just need you to come over, okay?...Thanks, you're a life saver."

"Okay, so…" Rory started.

"Coffee?" Lorelai stood up.

"Yes, coffee is good." Rory smoothed out her skirt.

Coffee in hand, Lorelai and Rory sat in silence until Sookie arrived.

"Hello? Lorelai? I'm here and I brought pie!" She walked into the living room and froze when she saw the faces of the two Gilmore girls. "What happened?"

"Mom and Luke broke up."

"Oh, God. Are you okay?"

Lorelai sighed. "No. But that's not why I called. I need you to sit here with Rory while she reads this letter."

Sookie looked confused. "Um…okay."

"Good. I'll be upstairs." Lorelai headed for the staircase. On the first landing she turned around and said, "Just…just read the whole thing before you come find me, okay?"

"Okay."

Lorelai went up the rest of the stairs and sat down on the floor, out of sight but within earshot.

Sookie made herself comfortable on the couch and watched as Rory opened the envelope.

_Hey kid-_

_If you're reading this it means that Luke finally talked me into giving it to you, which is quite a reflection of the wonderful man that he is. We just had our first date last night, and he helped me to figure out some stuff, some stuff that I now need to tell you. He's making breakfast right now. Now before you go any further, I know what you're thinking, and no, he's not naked. _

Rory smiled at that comment.

_I know it's only been one date, but I honestly think he could be the one. It's sappy, I know. _

_So you remember that book you made me read last year, the one from your book club? It was by some woman with a Spanish name…I think it was called "Daughter of Fortune." The girl goes her entire life without knowing who her parents are. I want you to remember her as you think about what I'm about to tell you, and remember that in comparison you have it pretty damn good. You have a mother who loves you, and your grandparents, and Luke and Sookie…all of whom would take a bullet for you. And you don't have to pretend you're a man, that's a plus. You're the smartest woman I know, you go to a great school, and you're honestly beautiful. You take after me in that respect. All in all, you have a pretty sweet life. _

_There is, however, something missing from your life. You don't bring it up much, but I know you think about it. From the time you've been old enough to form words, you've wondered about your dad. _

Rory's smile turned into a solemn expression. Sookie reached over and put her hand on her arm.

_If I have been vague in my answering of your questions, it is only because my memories of the man in question have also been vague. Until last night. Last night Luke asked me about him, and I lost it. Things that I had been pushing back and burying came back. Now, no matter how old you get I will still believe that you are too young to know everything that happened last night, but some of what happened you have a right to know. _

_Last night, I remembered your conception. _

_You might be asking yourself, "But, what about the story that you've always told me?" I need you to know that I have not been lying to you. Up until last night I had two different scenarios in my mind. The one that I told you about the man on the motorcycle with the sexy tattoos and bottle of Jose Cuervo was something that my mother imagined when I told her I didn't know who your father was. Or rather, it was what I pictured her imagining. I liked that story. I told it so many times that I actually believed it on some level. The other one, well that one I tried to forget. _

_Before I tell you anything else I need to remind you that I love you. You are my daughter, not anyone else's (as much as Luke would like to be your father, really he would). I feel nothing but love towards you…no regret or anger, only love and a little bit of sadness that you will never have a daddy. _

_The second scenario, the one that is true but that my mind has been self-protectively burying for the last 20 years, is not romantic like the first one. It is bad. Planes flying into buildings bad. That doesn't mean that you are bad. You are nothing but good. You are the love of my life, and nothing, not even this new realization can change that. Since I know myself well enough to know that I won't give this to you right away, count back how long it has been since my first date with Luke. Have I treated you any differently in that time? Have I showed any signs of loving you less? If I have than I deserve to be dragged behind a horse for eight hours, because I do not love you any less. _

_Luke is teasing me now about the length of my letter. I told him that I was going to write three sentences explaining what happened and then just talk about it, since I knew that those first three sentences would be the hardest and after you had read those we could just talk about the rest. Now he's asking me if I'm babbling to avoid the subject. Maybe I am. Damn it, Luke, why do you have to know me so well? _

_Okay here it goes. Those three sentences. I'm going to write them now. Any second now, they will be on this paper. _

_So I know you can't see this, but it's been a full five minutes since I wrote that last sentence. Luke is threatening to call you and tell you himself if I don't get to the point soon. So here it goes. For real this time. _

_Rory, your dad was not a mysterious man on a motorcycle. Your dad was a man that I had never met. He followed me home one night and raped me. _

Rory gasped and the letter fell into her lap. It took everything Lorelai had to not leave her perch at the top of the stairs and go embrace her daughter. She new she'd gotten to the important part. But there was more, and Rory had to read it all. So she waited.

Sookie had never been good at things like this. She wasn't one-hundred percent sure why Lorelai had called her over for this. All she could think to do was ask, "Do you want some pie?"

Rory managed a smile. "In a minute. I'm not done yet."

_I hope you haven't stopped reading yet. There are a few very important things you need to know. First of all, I love you. Secondly, I had us both checked right after you were born, and neither of us have any strange diseases. Lastly, no one else knows this. It's just you, me, and Luke. After I give you this letter we can talk about who else we want to tell. _

_Did I mention that I love you? Because that hasn't changed. That will never change. Are you crying? Because I am. Luke is such an angel. He's standing behind me, rubbing my shoulders and not reading the letter because I asked him not to. He really cares about us, sweets. _

_So that's it. I'm sure that I left the room while you were reading this because I know that I couldn't bear to see your face while you read it. So come find me now. I want to hug you and hold you and help you decide how you feel about this. Did I mention that I love you?_

_Love,_

_Mom. _

Rory set the letter down on the table. She took the pie that Sookie was holding and picked up the fork but didn't eat any of it.

"What was it, angel?" Sookie asked.

Rory didn't answer. She set the pie down and headed upstairs. Her mom was still sitting on the top step with her head against the wall, silent tears streaming down her face. Rory sat next to her, far enough away so that they weren't touching, and stared at her shoes. Finally she asked, "So…do you want some pie?"

Lorelai looked up and smiled. "Sure, kid, pie would be good."

--

**A/N** So...thoughts? There will probably only be a couple more chapters. After this one we're caught up with the present and I won't be able to skip years like I have in the past. Please review! By the way the book I mentioned was "Daugther of Fortune" by Isabelle Allende. If you get a chance to read it, do, because it's an excellent book.


	10. Chapter 9: The Present

**Disclaimer**: Dear Santa, This year I have been a very good girl. I want a pony and a kitty and a car and a Barbie and a new pretty dress, and the rights to Gilmore Girls, which I currently DO NOT have.

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. I needed a short break, so I wrote another little fic-let. It's called _When It Snows_. If you haven't read it, check it out on my profile! It's complete.

**A/N2:** I'm calling this "The present" even thought it goes back a few episodes. From now until the end of the story we will be in season 7.

**A/N3**: I haven't been able to find any transcripts from season 7, and I haven't been taping the episodes. So if my timing of events or dialogue or anything is a little off from the way it was in the show, call it creative license.

Chapter 9: The Present

--

There he stood, the back of his truck loaded with junk that he'd had to take out of the diner after Kirk drove through the window. He was offering to do exactly what she'd wanted him to do: run off and marry her. She should have been jumping for joy, right? But she wasn't.

"Why?" Her question surprised him. When he didn't answer right away she continued, "Why now, but not before? Is it because Kirk ruined the diner and so now you've got some spare time, you can finally 'fit me in'?"

"Of course not. Isn't this what you want?"

"Well…yes! But not if it's not really what you want."

"Lorelai, when I saw that car break through the window, I had two thoughts. The first one was, 'shit, I'm going to die.' But before I had even finished that thought, I had another one. It was 'shit, I'm going to die without ever showing Lorelai how much she means to me.' But I didn't die. I went for a walk instead. I found myself sitting in the gazebo, wondering 'what the hell have I been doing for the last six months?' I felt like I should have gone and given Kirk a hug. It was like he had woken me up from some sort of trance that I'd been in. Now granted, after hugging Kirk I would have had to burn all of my clothes, and my skin, so I decided to skip that part. The bottom line is this: I'm awake again, and I want to marry you."

When Lorelai didn't say anything for a few seconds, Luke concluded his monologue by simply stating, "I love you, damn it."

Lorelai took the stairs down off her porch slowly and came to where he stood. She reached up and put her hand on his face, running her thumb gently over his stubble. "I really, really want to believe you," she stated, "but I need to know that you're really back, that you're really you again and that this isn't just a desperate attempt to keep from loosing me."

Luke reached out and grabbed the back of her neck and drew her face the remaining eight inches to his in a heated kiss.

Lorelai put her hands gently on his chest and drew back, not in fear or disgust but with a bit hesitation. "I suppose that's a start," she said with a timid smile.

"And that's just the beginning," he promised. "I want to make this right. So let's go get married."

"Luke, I…I think we should wait. We should set another date, sometime in very near future, but I don't think we should elope."

"Why not?"

"I don't think we're ready. You've still got April to deal with, and I need to figure out what's going on with Rory."

"What do you mean?"

"I gave her the letter."

"Oh."

"I gave her the letter because I was so mad at Anna for being a horrible mom, but at the same time I knew that I was being a horrible mom by not giving it to her. I needed to not be a hypocrite. So after you and I fought I came home and she was here. She'd actually found the letter earlier but hadn't opened it yet because she wasn't sure if she should. So she read it, and then we had pie."

"Huh?"

"Sookie came over and she brought pie. I thought Rory would want to talk about it or cry or be angry or something. But she didn't say anything. She was so…stoic. I'm afraid she's not dealing with it. So I want to figure that out first."

"Okay."

"And I want to get to know April. She should be at our wedding. Actually, she should be in our wedding. Do you think she'd like being a junior bride's maid? I mean, if Anna is okay with it…"

"I think she'd love it. She's my daughter too. But I'll talk with Anna."

"Thanks."

"So do you want to go…get breakfast or something?"

"I'd love to."

--

Rory sat nervously on the gold colored couch, her knees drawn together and her hands folded in her lap. Her right leg was bouncing rapidly, although she was unaware of its movements. Her stomach was growling, but she hadn't been able to eat anything.

Across from her, Emily and Richard were growing impatient. "Well? Do you really have something to tell us? Or is this a belated April fool's day joke?"

Rory was about the commit the ultimate Gilmore sin: going above her mother's head to her grandparents. But after years of hearing her grandmother's accusations against her mother, she now had the power to change something. That had been her one and only thought in the two days since she'd gotten the letter. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel. Angry? Sad? Confused? They had all passed through her mind, but the only feeling that remained was determined. She was determined not to let this new knowledge change who she was, and she was determined to use this new knowledge for good.

She reached into the purse sitting at her feet and pulled out the very familiar envelope. She clutched it in her hands and brought her gaze up to meet her grandmother eye-to-eye. "I have something for you to read," she started. "If mom knew I was doing this she would have me flogged. What you're going to learn from this letter you cannot let her know that you know. It's not going to be easy, but I am trusting you to understand. Will you agree to keep this between us?"

"Are you in some sort of trouble?" Richard asked.

"No. I really can't tell you what it is unless you agree."

"Alright then, we agree." Emily stated confidently.

Rory took a deep breath and extended the envelope towards her grandparents, and then pulled it back. "You promise mom will never know that you've read this?"

"Yes, we promise."

"Because once you read it, you will want to discuss it with her. But you can't. You have to let her tell you herself."

"We promise, not a word to your mother."

"Okay." Rory handed the envelope to her grandmother, who opened it and unfolded the letter. "She wrote this to me a couple years ago, but only gave it to me the other night," she explained.

Emily held the letter between herself and Richard. Rory was nearly positive that she was going to throw up as she watched their eyes dart back and forth across the page. She tried to imagine where they were at that point…she now knew the letter by heart, and was trying to imagine what emotions her grandparents were feeling at different points in the letter. Would it be anything like what she herself had felt?

Emily's face gave nothing away at first, until she got to the climax, the pivotal three-sentence punch-line to this cruel cosmic joke. She opened her mouth partly as if to speak, but no sound came out. Richard, a slightly slower reader thanks to his less-than-perfect eyesight, caught up with her a few seconds later. He seemed startled and then simply said, "Oh my."

Finishing the letter, Emily allowed her arm to slowly drift down to her lap, but the letter remained open. She looked back down at it, re-reading the important parts as if to convince herself that it really said what she thought it said.

Richard looked up at his granddaughter, sitting nervously across from him. "How does this…are you…how are you feeling about all this?" he asked. He had never been good with these sorts of emotional things, but he loved Rory and was concerned for her, and that showed in his voice.

"I don't know," Rory answered honestly. "Sad, I guess."

Emily had finally recovered from the shock of the letter, and that shock and slowly turned to anger. She stood up furiously. "Well. It is just like that girl to keep this sort of thing from me, and to blame me for making her forget it! I can't believe her! Of all the things that a mother has the right to know, this is by far at the top of the list. How could she! How could she do this to us, and to you?" That last sentence was directed at Rory.

"Grandma, where are you going?" Rory asked, standing up to follow her grandmother.

"I'm getting the phone. I am going to call your mother and she is going to come over here and discuss this with us herself, like she should have done in the first place."

"Grandma, no, please, you promised!" Rory stood and took a step towards Emily.

"Well that was before I knew that you were going to drop this bomb on us. Damn it, Cecile, where is the phone?" she called out to the maid, presumably in the other room. "This useless maid, I never know where she puts the damn phone."

"Grandma, please!"

Something in Rory's voice made Emily stop. Looking at her granddaughter, she saw the tears in her eyes, and for the first time felt the moisture in her own. Rory had yet to cry over the whole issue, but sitting there listening to her beloved grandmother verbally attacking her even more beloved mother for something that could hardly be construed as her fault, Rory reached her breaking point. She sobbed and then sunk back down onto the couch with her head in her hands.

Something inside of Emily broke in that moment. Instead of her twenty-one year-old granddaughter on the couch in front of her, she had a vision of her sixteen-year-old daughter, crying out for her parents to understand her. Could she have possibly been the cause of this pain?

Coming to Rory's side, she sat down next to her on the couch and pulled her sobbing form into her arms. She placed Rory's head against her shoulder and stroked the back of her head, stopping periodically to wipe tears from her own face. "I'm sorry," she said simply, not knowing what else to say. "It's going to be alright."

--

Lorelai hadn't seen or heard from Rory since she'd given her the letter, except for a message that she had left on her answering machine, saying that she would see her at Friday night dinner.

Luke offered to come with her to her parents, but she assured him that she would be alright. It wasn't like they'd had a fight or anything. Things were just a little…weird.

Sitting at the dining room table, the foursome ate in silence for a few minutes. Clearly uncomfortable, Emily tried making small talk.

"So, Rory, what are your plans for the summer?"

"Well, Paris is running an SAT prep class, and I am going to work with her as a tutor."

"That sounds very interesting. Do you think you'll be working with any students from Chilton?" Richard asked.

"Um…yes, it's possible."

"How nice. And Lorelai, how's Luke?" Emily continued.

Rory looked up at her mother and noticed for the first time that she was wearing her engagement ring again.

"He's fine. We had some stuff to work out, but we've re-scheduled the wedding. You should be getting your 'save the date' card soon, mom."

"Really? Well that's very good to hear. What date is it that I will be saving?"

"We know it will be the first week of December, but we haven't set the exact day yet. We're waiting to hear back from a couple of people. We want to do it before Rory's Christmas break, because she's planning on going to London for Christmas."

All of this was news to Rory, whose last conversation with her mom about Luke had led her to believe that the wedding was off for good. She wanted to be happy for her mom, but couldn't believe that she hadn't called to tell her.

"When did this happen?" she asked.

"Um…Tuesday?"

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't know, why haven't you called me?"

"I'm not the one with the life-changing news here!"

"Well I was going to tell you when you called Tuesday night like you usually do, but you didn't call, so I figured you were busy and I'd see you tonight."

"I can't believe you! Here I was this whole week thinking that you were broken up, and now I find out that you've practically set a date again?"

"Geez, kid, I'm sorry, okay! I knew you were busy, and it's not like we're getting married tomorrow."

"That's enough!" Emily slammed her hands down on the table to get their attention. "What is wrong with the two of you?"

"I agree with Emily. This behavior is absolutely ridiculous," Richard spoke up from his end of the table.

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

"Honestly. I don't understand this," Emily stated. "Rory, you shouldn't attack your mother like that. And Lorelai, you really should keep us all posted about these things. When major things happen in your life, you should tell the people who care about you! Good or bad, we have the right to know!" And with that, Emily stood up from the table and briskly walked out of the room.

"What the hell was that?" Lorelai asked, looking at her father, who simply shrugged but refused to make eye contact. Rory suddenly became very interested in her food. Lorelai stood up and followed Emily into the kitchen. She found her standing against the center island, with one hand resting on the counter and the other over her mouth, holding in a sob. "Mom, what's wrong?"

Emily closed her eyes and wiped tears off of her cheeks. "I can't. I promised Rory I wouldn't say anything."

A new realization came across Lorelai's face. "Rory told you," she stated simply. It wasn't a question.

"Yes. Please don't be mad at her. She was just trying to make things right. I just can't…why didn't you tell me, Lorelai?"

This was something that Lorelai was not prepared for. In the two years since she'd learned the truth, she had imagined this conversation many times over. It usually involved a lot of tequila, and usually her mom shared some deep secret first, making her feel less vulnerable. But never like this, coming first from her daughter's mouth only to have Emily come to her to confirm the truth. Also, her fantasy mom would usually draw her into her arms, crying with her and apologizing for twenty two years worth of torment.

"I…I couldn't. I just couldn't."

"Why? I'm your mother, for heaven's sake! Of all the people you should have been able to tell, I should have been first on the list. You should have come running to me the second it happened. I would have helped you. I should have helped you!" Emily was openly sobbing at this point, covering her face. "How could I have let this happen?" she asked into her hands.

Lorelai reached out her hand and placed it gingerly on her mother's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "It wasn't your fault," she repeated a little louder, pulling her mother into an awkward hug.

--

**Reviews are the only reason I get up in the morning!**


	11. Chapter 10:Picking Up The Pieces

**Disclaimer**: They're not mine, ya dig it?

**A/N**: So…mixed reactions to the last chapter. Some people weren't too sure about some of the people's reactions to the letter. I'm really glad to get all sorts of reviews, good and bad. I have to say that, seeing as nothing even remotely like this has ever happened on Gilmore girls for real, it is kind of difficult to decide how they would react. I believe I am being true to the characters, but if you disagree please tell me so I can take it into consideration.

There will probably only be a couple more chapters. Now that everything's out in the open there isn't a whole lot more to deal with.

--

Chapter 10: Picking up the pieces.

_Lorelai reached out her hand and placed it gingerly on her mother's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "It wasn't your fault," she repeated a little louder, pulling her mother into an awkward hug._

Emily pushed her away after a second, wiped at her eyes, shook her head and said, "We should discuss this some other time. Rory's here now, and it's not appropriate."

"Right," Lorelai said, stepping back. "So…we should probably go back in there."

"You go ahead. The maid forgot to put salt on the table; I'm going to grab some."

Lorelai walked back into the dining room, leaving Emily to compose herself.

--

The door shut behind them, and Lorelai and Rory were left standing, side by side on the steps. Rory focused her eyes on a spot on the ground and pushed her lips together.

"So…quite the night," Lorelai started.

"How mad are you?"

"Well, let's see. You left Saturday morning without saying anything, you didn't call all week, and oh yeah, you told my parents! So I'd say I'm a little bit east of boiling rage, but still well west of furious."

"Well I'm sorry," Rory said flatly.

"That was convincing."

"It's just that…"

"Just that what?"

"They needed to know!"

"Yes, I agree, _I_ needed to tell them."

"And you were going to?"

"Yes!"

"Mom, it took you _two years_ to tell me. _Me!_ You tell me everything. How long do you think it would have taken you to tell them?"

"A while, probably, but that's not the point here. You have no right to go over my head like that. _You_ are _my_ daughter, not the other way around. What I tell my parents and when is none of your business!"

"But it's my life that you're talking about here, mine! For twenty-two years my life has come between you and grandma. My birth, my upbringing, my education, even my boyfriends have come between you two. According to Grandma, I am your big screw up. You got pregnant with me, you ran away with me, you let me date men she doesn't approve of, and now suddenly I have the proof that she is wrong, that you didn't screw up like she thought you did, I'm not your fault, and I think maybe, just maybe, this could help. Well I'm sorry for thinking that. I'm sorry that that man raped you and I'm sorry I was ever born!" And with that, Rory stomped off towards her car, not caring one bit that she sounded like an immature teenager.

"Rory, wait!" Lorelai ran after her, grabbing hold of her sleeve near her elbow and spinning her so that they were face to face. There were tears running down Rory's cheeks, which she quickly brushed away with her free sleeve, refusing to look her mom in the eye. "Is that what you think?" Lorelai asked. "That somehow all of the stuff between my parents and me is your fault?"

"Well…I guess, yeah, I used to. But then I found out that no, it wasn't my fault. It was that, that _man's _fault and I, well, I don't know where I fit at all. I don't even know who I am."

"Oh, Rory." The heartbreak in Lorelai's heart was obvious. She pulled her daughter close, drawing her face to her shoulder so that her sweater would absorb Rory's tears. Too emotionally exhausted even to stand, they sunk down together to the driveway, resting back against Rory's car. Lorelai cradled her daughter's head, kissing her hair and stroking her arms and her back, whispering against her scalp, "You are my daughter. I love you. Don't ever question that."

Rory sniffed. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"When you look at me, do you see him?"

"Oh, no. I see a beautiful angel, my heart and my soul, the love of my life, my best friend and my daughter, but never him. You and I are so much alike, I think you might actually be my clone, meaning you don't have any of his DNA at all."

Rory sniffed a chuckle. Then she swallowed hard and asked difficulty, "If I wanted to know all, um, the whole story, like everything that happened that night, if I wanted to know that, would you tell me?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know. But if I did, someday?"

"Maybe. That would be hard. So ask me again when someday comes."

"Okay."

Lorelai shifted so that she and Rory were sitting next to each other, with her arm around her daughter's shoulder and her hand on her knee. "Come back to the hollow with me tonight. Let's spend the weekend together. We'll rent movies and eat junk food and talk all night if you want. Oh, and you can meet April, I mean you already met her but you can meet her again if you want. She's staying with Luke for the weekend and he asked me to have lunch with them tomorrow. You can come too, it will be fun. She's going to be your stepsister soon. Come on. I'll drive, you can leave your car here and I'll bring you back this far on Monday morning."

Rory smiled. "Sounds good."

--

Lorelai and Rory walked into the diner the next day at 12:00. They had been up until 3:00 that morning watching movies and talking about just about everything _except_ the topic at hand, mutually agreeing that enough had been said for the time being, and both knowing that the issue was still a long way from resolved. April was sitting at the counter next to Kirk, who was listening intently as she discussed the metabolic consequences of the Atkins diet.

"Then the citric acid cycle, or the Krebs cycle, you can call it either one, quits working and instead of getting ATP you get a lot of keto acids built up in your blood, which not only make your breath stink and can cause you to fail a breathalyzer test, but also change your blood pH, leading to a metabolic acidosis that can lead to hyperventilation, kidney failure, and electrolyte imbalances."

Kirk turned to Luke and said, "Okay, so I don't understand most of what she just said, but I think I need a piece of bread."

"Coming right up," Luke assured him without actually looking in his direction. Hearing the bell above the door, he looked up to see Lorelai and Rory enter and smiled, looking Lorelai in the eye and trying to get some sort of feel for how everything was going. She gave him a little bit of a half-smile.

"Hi, Rory, Lorelai, nice to see you again," April said, turning in her stool to face them.

"Hi, April," Rory replied.

"April, Rory, why don't you two go upstairs and set the table? Your mom can help me bring the food up."

"Okay. Hey Rory, did you know that the Atkins diet can actually lower your IQ?" They started up the stairs.

Luke turned his attention to Lorelai, who was standing at the counter. "Our food is almost done. So…are you okay?" Lorelai only sighed. "Caesar, you're in charge," Luke called, taking Lorelai's hand and leading her back to the store room. He shut the door behind them. "So, how was dinner last night?" he asked.

"Rory told my parents. Not last night, earlier this week, but I found out last night."

"Oh," was all Luke could think to say.

"We talked about it afterwards, and I know why she did it and I have forgiven her, but…they know. And that's weird."

"How'd they take it?"

"My dad didn't say anything, not a surprise, and my mom cried. She was really mad at me for not telling her right away when it happened. But she also seemed…sorry. I mean, that's what I've always wanted her to feel, but it didn't seem normal. We didn't really talk about it…she had an emotional break down that lasted two minutes and that was it. It was as if nothing had happened. That's the thing I _hate_ about my family. We never talk. We just let things stew inside until there's so much there that we explode all over each other. Then we start all over again. I'm afraid to go back there. I never know what to expect. For all I know they'll have forgotten all about it by next week, or they'll freeze me out. Who knows, maybe they will have hired some Dr. Phil type expert to come have me analyzed."

Luke smiled. "Hey now, don't rack too much on those Dr. Phil types. It was one of their books that brought the two of us together."

"Ug, don't remind me." Lorelai smiled back. "I suppose we should get up there or our kids are going to think that we're doing something dirty."

"We wouldn't want that now, would we?" Luke asked, reaching around and grabbing her butt, slipping his hands into her back pockets and pulling her up to him for a quick kiss.

"Definitely not," she replied, wrapping her arms around his neck and repeating the kiss, making it a last a little longer than the first. They separated reluctantly, exiting the store room and collecting their food before heading up the stairs.

--

After lunch Luke and April were washing dishes and putting food away.

"Do you think Rory will like the book I lent her?" April asked.

"I'm sure she'll love it."

"So…Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on with Lorelai?"

"What do you mean?"

"She seems kind of sad. Does she really want me to be in your wedding? Because you don't have to put me in it. I'm perfectly fine just helping with flower arrangements or putting the little mints in the bags to put by each plate. I like mints."

"No, April, she's thrilled to have you in the wedding. She really likes you."

"Good. I like her too."

"Lorelai is just having a rough couple of days, that's all."

"Okay. So it has nothing to do with me?"

"No. I promise." Luke lifted another plate out of the sink and started to wipe it down. April found a lid for one of the Tupperware containers. After a few moments, Luke cleared his throat. "Hey, April, if something…not good ever happened…you know, to you, you would tell me, right? Or at least your mom, right?"

"Like…what?"

"I don't know, just…something bad. Something bad that you might not want to tell people. You know you can tell me those things, right?"

"Is this about the A minus I got on that test in math? I'm surprised Mom told you that, it wasn't that big of a deal. I already told her that I had enough extra credit to more than make up for the points I missed."

"No, I'm not talking about a test. I mean something…something really bad. Like, with a guy. If it ever happened, would you tell someone?"

"You mean sex? I'm only thirteen."

Luke had, unfortunately, chosen that moment to take a drink from a glass of water. He coughed and spit a bit of water out his nose when he heard her say the word "sex." He wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and answered quickly, "No! I mean...yes, if you, in _many years_, decide to do…um…_that_, yes, you should talk to your mom first. But I mean, if someone, anyone ever tried…ever…um…hurt you. You would tell someone, right?"

"Where is this coming from?"

"Oh, you know, it was in a movie that I happened to catch part of yesterday and I just started thinking and…I'm sorry. This is weird."

"No, it's okay. I've never really thought about that, but yeah I would tell someone."

"Good." Luke smiled. "So tell me more about this book that you lent Rory, because I know that next time you two see each other you will be talking about it constantly, and I want to know enough to at least be able to keep up with the conversation."

"Well, it's about this guy…"

--

Lorelai was walking out of the market, carrying a large paper bag filled with supplies for the Lorelai and Rory 'not talking about it' movie night take two when her cell phone rang. Setting the bag down on a park bench and fishing her phone out of her pocket, she flipped it open without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Her mother's unmistakable voice asked with no introduction whatsoever.

"Let's see, tomorrow is Sunday, the day of God and rest, so I was planning on having myself sedated and thrown in the alley behind the church."

"So you're not busy for lunch?" Emily ignored her daughter's humor entirely, something she had become very good at.

"Uh…"

"Good. I'll be at your house at 12:30."

"Um…no! No…I can't…I have to…um…I'm having surgery…I'm getting a new brain…and a new body…Rory needs me to…" _Damn, Gilmore! Where are your weaseling skills?_

"I'll see you at 12:30." Click.

--

**A/N** In a desperate attempt to get more reviews I am promising to reply to EVERY review that I get for this chapter. That's right, you could be the proud recipient of a signed e-mail, from this world-famous (almost) author! Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, review today!


	12. Chapter 11: Three, Two, One

**Disclaimer:** (sing to "are you sleeping") _they are not mine, they are not mine, no they're not, no they're not, even though I wish they were, they belong to someone else, boo hoo, boo hoo._ (wow, my disclaimers get more and more pathetic every chapter)

--

Chapter 11: Three, Two, One…

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Rory had her purse on her shoulder and her keys in her hand and was poised next to the door, ready to leave.

"No, go. See if you can get Lane to cheer up a little. Tell her if she wants I can show her how to make baby clothes out of all her cool rock band shirts that won't fit anymore after the baby comes. Whatever is going to go down today needs to be between me and Emily. I'll call you when she leaves, or if at some point I need emergency backup."

"Okay." They kiss on the cheek and Rory leaves.

Emily pulled into the driveway at exactly 12:29. "Lorelai, come help me with these bags," she called, opening the trunk. Lorelai came outside to find her mother lifting pulling several heavy paper bags out of the trunk.

"What's all this?" She asked.

"Well, I knew that if I made you come to my house you could leave any time, and if we went out we wouldn't be able to talk because we're in public, and if I came over here without food we'd end up ordering pizza or some other god-awful thing, so I had my cook make us lunch, and I brought it with. Carry that one, it's heavy and I'm in heels." She pointed at one that was still in the trunk."

"You know," Lorelai began as she struggled to lift the bag out of the trunk, "I could have had Luke or Sookie bring something over for us."

"Yes, but then it would have been rude not to ask them to stay and eat. I want to have lunch with my daughter, not my daughter and her entire town. Is Rory here?"

"No, she's spending some time with Lane before she goes back to Yale."

Emily placed her bags on the table and started pulling plates, glasses, and silverware out of the first one. "You brought dishes? Mom, we have dishes." Lorelai said, somewhat frustrated."

"Your dishes are okay for cheap birthday parties and take-out food. Proper food requires proper tableware."

"Fine." Lorelai helped her mother set the table and serve the food. They ate quietly for a couple minutes. The longer the silence lasted, the more the sick nervous feeling in Lorelai's stomach grew. What she didn't know was that Emily had a very similar feeling in her own stomach. They both knew exactly why Emily was there, but neither of them wanted to make the first move. Finally, Lorelai said, "So I'm assuming you're not just here to show me how well your chef makes good chicken parmesan?"

"You don't like it?"

"No, I like it just fine. I just think it's silly that we're just sitting here eating when we both know why you're really here."

"And why is that, Lorelai? Since you clearly know everything, why exactly is it that I am here?" Emily was testing her, wanting her to say it out loud, and Lorelai knew it.

"You want to talk about what happened Friday night."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Well then, why are you here?"

"Are you and Rory fighting?"

"No, we talked and we're fine. Is that all you wanted to know? Because I would have told you that on the phone. Seriously, mom, Rory and I have fought before. Were you _that_ concerned about our relationship that you had to pack up a three-course meal complete with wine and fancy salt and pepper shakers just to come here and ask me if I'm fighting with my daughter? Does the DAR sponsor a drama club? Because I think you should be president."

"Stop it, Lorelai. You know I'm here to talk about what you told Rory in that letter. There, I said it. You win."

Although there had been no official competition going on, they both knew that indeed, Lorelai had won. Lorelai cast her gaze down at her plate and bit her lip. Then she looked back at her mom. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that you heard it from Rory and not me. I would have told you eventually."

"Eventually is not good enough. You should have told me twenty-two years ago. You should have come to me the minute it happened."

"Yes, well you weren't there the minute it happened. You and dad were in Martha's Vineyard, visiting the Trundales, I think."

Emily drew her eyebrows together, trying to remember. "Was that the same weekend that someone broke in and stole my crystal candlesticks and your comforter?"

"No one stole those things, mom. I threw the comforter out, and had to throw out some other things too so that it would look like a robbery."

A new realization dawned across Emily's face. "You mean it happened," she swallowed, "in our house?"

Lorelai bit her lip and nodded, looking down because she didn't want her mom to see the tears forming in her eyes. "In my bed."

"Wait, you told me that you were out with that Hayden boy when those things were stolen. Did he do this?"

"Christopher? No, he never even made it in the front door. Want to talk about a boring date (**A/N** wink wink). I think the man who did it was at the restaurant and followed us home."

"Did you ever go to the police? Or at least to the hospital?"

"No…"

"Lorelai! How do you know that man didn't have a sexually transmitted disease, or AIDS?! You always have been the most irresponsible person. If you had told me like you should have the first thing I would have done is call the police, that's for sure."

Lorelai threw her fork down on the table and stood up. "How dare you?" She shouted. "You come into my house, insult my tastes in food and dishes, and then attack me for being raped? _Raped,_ mom, I was _raped._ There, I said it. I was fifteen! I was scared and confused, and didn't think you'd believe me anyway!"

"Well why should I believe you?" Emily stood up, horribly uncomfortable with her daughter towering over her. "You don't say anything about it until more than 20 years after the fact, how do I know that this isn't all a big lie? You're feeling guilty about sleeping with Rory's father, and so you invent this story? Do you know how devastated Rory is about all this? God help me, Lorelai, if you're making this up…"

--

Rory and Lane were laying on Lane's bed, staring at the ceiling. Lane had one hand on her stomach. They weren't talking, just laying. And thinking. Suddenly Rory's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Rory, thank God. It's Babette. You have to come home real quick. I went outside to water my bulbs, ya know 'cause it's been so dry lately, and I hear this awful shouting coming from your house. I think it's your grandmother! She and Lorelai are going at it like mad dogs! I'm not really sure what they're talking about but," there was a crashing sound, "…Oh my God!"

"Babette? What happened?"

"Someone just threw a plate through the kitchen window!"

"I'll be right there!" Rory hung up the phone and jumped to her feet. "I have to go home, my mom and my grandmother might finally be trying to kill each other."

"I'll come with you!" Lane stood up. As they hurried out the door, Lane wondered out loud, "How did Babette get your cell phone number?"

--

Rory called Sookie. Sookie called Luke. Ms. Patty and Kirk were at Luke's when he got the call. Within minutes a small army was poised outside the Gilmore house. Lane and Rory pulled up to find Kirk selling popcorn and taking bets as to who would bleed first. Sookie was there, trying to get a glimpse inside the broken window to scout out the situation. Luke pulled in right behind Rory.

"Luke, Rory! Come here!" Sookie called.

"How's it look in there?" Rory asked, raising her voice over the unending sounds of her mother and grandmother's shouts.

"Your mother is standing by the fridge, Emily is on the other side of the kitchen. They've stopped throwing things, but they've been shouting non-stop."

"Okay, Luke, you and Sookie go in the back door. Try to calm my mom down, but keep her there. Lane, find someone out here who hasn't gone completely insane and get them to help you with crowd control. I want everyone out of here in 10 minutes."

"What about Emily?" Luke asked.

"I'm going in the front door. I'll take care of her. Ready, break!"

--

Lorelai and Emily were too absorbed in their fight to notice everything that was going on outside.

"Your entire life, from the time you were five, has been nothing but one irresponsible decision after another!"

"You never listened to a thing I said!"

"It wouldn't surprise me even if you were raped, with the way you dress!"

"And you're still not listening to me!"

The sound of the front door shutting snapped them both out of it. Emily turned quickly. "Oh, Rory, Hi."

"Upstairs!" She demanded, pointing her finger and reaching for her grandma's arm.

"Rory, your mother and I were just…"

"I don't want to hear it!" She took a hold of her grandma's sleeve and started pulling her towards the staircase, leaving a stunned Lorelai by the fridge, fists clenched and teeth gritted. Luke and Sookie came through the back door in time to see her collapse on the floor in tears.

--

**A/N:** The next chapter will be the climax. Depending on how that goes I might write one wrap-up chapter after that, or maybe the next chapter will be it. I have an idea for a sequel, but I need to know what you think. What happens when the statute of limitations runs out, meaning that Lorelai's rapist can no longer be prosecuted? Lorelai starts to receive some threatening calls and letters. Possibly a GG/ SVU crossover. Would you guys read something like that?

I will reply to any substantial review (so write more than just "good story, update soon.")


	13. Chapter 12: BOOM!

**Disclaimer:** To do: 1. Laundry. 2. Homework. 3. Somehow steal the rights to Gilmore Girls from DR so that I can fix the mess he's made. Too bad I don't already have them. 4. Solve world hunger.

Chapter 12: BOOM!

Emily paced back and forth in Lorelai's room. Rory was sitting on the floor, her back resting against the door in case her grandmother got it in her head to go back downstairs.

Emily had been ranting without a break for the last half hour.

"…Honestly, Rory, I don't know how you turned out to be such a well behaved girl. That mother of yours is absolutely unbelievable. You clearly don't take after her at all. Your father couldn't possibly be what she says he was. You must have gotten your positive qualities from him."

"Well, I did steal a boat once," Rory quipped.

"_That_ you got from your mother." Emily stopped pacing and turned to look at Rory. "I am sorry that you've ended up in the middle of all this. You know that we all love you regardless of how you came to be."

"I know, Grandma."

Rory had been friends with Paris long enough to know how to deal with irrational behavior. She had decided to keep her grandma upstairs and let her talk all she wanted until she finally calmed down. Then maybe she would remember that somewhere, on the inside, she was a rational person who would be able to see through all of her crazy emotions. Until then, Rory was going to just let her talk.

"That's another thing I can't believe. She has to know that this is painful for you. She isn't thinking about anyone but herself. That is so typical of her. When she moved the two of you out here she wasn't thinking about what was best for anyone but herself. She dragged you along with her to that god-awful shack without once thinking about your well being. You are such a brilliant girl. We would have sent you to the best schools money could buy. You would have had private tutors. Who knows, you might have graduated at 12."

"Yes, but then you'd have to call me Doogie."

"What?"

"Never mind. Go on."

"And that man she's dating. What a piece of work. The letter said she 'figured it out' with him. I'll bet she told him about some crazy nightmare she'd had once and he convinced her it was true. This is all his fault."

--

'He' was currently sitting on the landing of the staircase that led to where Rory and Emily were having their conversation, in case Lorelai got it in her head to go upstairs.

Sookie was on the couch.

Lorelai was pacing back and forth in the living room. She was talking a mile a minute, crying some but in an angry way, giving an occasional forceful sniff.

"…And she thinks I made it up. Why would I make this up, knowing full well that it would hurt Rory?! As if I don't even care about her. She refuses to believe that I could be innocent. '_It wouldn't surprise me even if you were raped, the way you dress.'_ Does she even know what she's saying? Is that a normal human way to respond to your daughter when you find out she was raped? Mothers are supposed to like their daughter's, right? I like Rory. Sookie, you like Martha, right? It's like she's not even human or something. Maybe part of her brain is missing…"

"Yes, I'm sure that's it," Luke said sarcastically.

"Well it's got to be something. Honestly, I get her not being sensitive when I have PMS or am annoyed with Michele or when I don't want to participate in one of her crazy DAR events, I get that. We're different people. But this? She has no sympathy at all. How is that possible?"

"I'm sure she doesn't really mean those things. She probably just doesn't know how to show what she's feeling," Sookie tried helpfully.

"Feeling? Whose mother are we talking about? Emily doesn't feel. She manipulates and judges. No feelings there, just cold hard cruelty. This is why I didn't want to tell her. Rory's so innocent. When she thinks of her grandma she thinks of being spoiled, getting a car for a graduation present, and fancy foods with rich desserts. She thinks she's seen the dark side, but what she's seen is a cakewalk compared to the real Emily. I can't be mad at her; she didn't know this was going to happen. In her mind my mother is actually mostly human."

"Is it possible she sees something you don't?" Luke suggested.

"No! Don't take her side now. You hate her too, remember? Remember your 'rustic' diner and 'simple' jacket?"

"Yes, but wasn't she also going to buy us a house?"

"Yes, a house that was closer to Hartford than Stars Hollow. Then she would have convinced me to sell the inn to Mike Armstrong so that I wouldn't have to go in when the weather was bad since it was a farther drive. Then I'd get disconnected from the people here. Then I'd start going on business trips to Europe. Eventually we'd break up and she'd get exactly what she wants. She thinks big, let me tell you. She's like one of those crazy chess players that can see so many moves deep that the game is over before it even starts. And if that didn't work she'd still have the fact that she bought me a house to hold over my head for the rest of my life."

"Wait, you never told me that she was going to buy you guys a house. Are you sure she wasn't just being nice?" Sookie asked.

"'Nice' isn't a word in my mother's vocabulary, unless it's 'Oh, how nice,'" Lorelai imitated Emily's tone perfectly, "which really means 'that's lame and pathetic and I'm going to give a lame and pathetic complement so that you know exactly how lame and pathetic I think it is.' I hate her. I really do."

Of course, upstairs, Emily's ranting had continued as well. As hard as Rory tried she couldn't keep her up there forever. Just as Lorelai said those last two sentences Emily had forced her way out of the bedroom door. _I hate her. I really do_ was all she heard. Emily's instinct was to run down there and confront her daughter for saying such a horrible thing, but Rory, who had heard this as well, caught her arm. Together they stood and listened.

"You don't mean that," Sookie argued. "I mean yeah, I know you're mom's crazy, but do you really hate her? Remember that time when you bought her that DVD player because you were afraid she was bored and lonely at night? And then it took the two of you two hours to set it up. I saw you later that day and you told me about it, and you were actually happy. You'd had a bad day, but you said that spending those two hours with your mom had actually cheered you up. Do you remember that?"

"Sure, it cheered me up, like watching Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. She's funny because she's so easy to hate. She also insulted my clothes twice that evening, and accused me of trying to burn the house down. Those are the kinds of things I can laugh off. This…this is different. Do you know that I can't remember her ever once saying she loves me? In third grade we made mother's day cards in school. I wrote "I love you, mom," partly because that's what the teacher told us to write, but also because I wanted her to say, "I love you, too." Do you know what she said?"

"What did she say?"

"_You used too much glue, the paper is wrinkled._"

"She did not."

"That's exactly what she said. And I haven't said 'I love you' since."

"That's so sad!" Sookie said. "Do you think she remembers that?"

"Oh yeah, my mother is a friggin' elephant, never forgets a damn thing. I think she keeps a journal of all of the mean things she's ever said to me, like a psycho serial killer collecting news clippings."

This was all that Emily could stand. She ripped her arm out of Rory's grasp and flew down the stairs. "How dare you say those things?!" She almost tripped over Luke, who ducked out of the way in self defense. "I am your mother! Not a psycho killer!"

"Dennis Rader had two kids. One of them actually helped convict him," Lorelai said matter-of-factly.

"Everything's a joke to you. Well I'm sorry, but this isn't funny."

"No, you're right, it's not. It's not funny at all! What's really not funny is the way you talked to me today. Do you have any idea how much your words hurt me? Do you really think that little of me, mom? Do you honestly think I deserved to be raped?"

"Of course not. I was upset, that's all."

"So then, what do you think? Do you really think I made it up?"

"Well…You didn't tell me for more than twenty years, Lorelai. Yes, I'll admit I have my doubts."

"Well then, let's go."

"Go where?"

"I want to show you something." Lorelai grabbed her keys, threw on her shoes and jacket, and stomped out the door. Luke and Rory chased after her, climbing into the jeep. Emily stood for a few seconds in shock.

"Mrs. Gilmore?" Sookie asked.

"What?"

"You might want to…I mean…I don't think she's going to wait for you."

"Right!" And with that she ran out the door.

--

**A/N** So since I haven't updated in a while I decided to give you only half of the conclusion now. The other half is coming very soon. Maybe later today. I have it all written in my head I just need to get it on the computer. I know I picked a very mean place to leave it. Review because you love me!


	14. Chapter 13: Fifteen Again

**Disclaimer:** Wait, hold on, let me check…nope, still not mine.

**A/N**: This is it. We have finally reached the end. Please please please, even if you have never reviewed before, review this chapter. Everyone who reviews will get a reply from me letting you know when I post the sequel and what it is called. I have decided that it won't be an SVU crossover but I am going to stick with the idea that the statute of limitations runs out and the rapist returns. It should be an exciting one.

If any of you are rape victims, I want to dedicate this last chapter to you. I personally am not a victim, but I know several. I hope that in some way my story has touched you.

**A/N 2:** I'm not 100 sure of the in-character-ness of this chapter. Nothing even slightly similar to this has happened on the show before. If you think a character would act differently than they are, keeping in mind everything that has happened so far, please feel free to let me know. I'm doing the best I can.

Chapter 13: Fifteen again.

It was like she was fifteen again. She stood there in the woods about a quarter-mile away from her parent's house. She was watching the scene play through her mind like a bad movie:

_The man had stayed for several hours, raping her twice. He left her with a kiss and a reminder that he knew exactly where she lived and would hurt her and her family if she ever told anyone. _

_Lorelai cried into her pillow for a while, then sat up, ripped off the pillow case and threw it on the floor on top of where her pajamas had landed. Next to go were the sheets off the bed. Then the comforter. She stripped everything off the bed down to the bare mattress and threw it in the pile. She wanted every trace of him gone. She ran downstairs and grabbed a huge trash bag. She threw a few other random items in it as well, so that if her mom noticed her missing comforter they could blame a homeless robber looking for a warm blanket and a few items to pawn for cash. She filled the garbage bag and left it sitting in the middle of her room while she took a hot shower. She scrubbed herself raw. The water and soap stung the abused flesh between her legs, but she kept on scrubbing. Fortunately all of the bruises and cuts were in places easily covered by her clothes. _

_After almost an hour in the shower she got out and got dressed. Then she picked up the garbage bag and headed outside. She couldn't throw it in the trash just in case it was to rip open and the garbage man were to see. She couldn't stick it in the neighbor's trash for the same reason. She headed for a small wooded area about a quarter-mile from her house and walked deep into the woods off the path. She found a tree that had fallen over, pulling some of the roots up with it. Where the roots had been it left a little bit of a hole. She stuck the garbage bag in the hole and covered it with a layer of dirt. Then she turned around and walked back to her house for another shower. _

The years had eroded most of the dirt on the top of the bag. Animals had torn through the old plastic and eaten up some of the fabric. The candlesticks were still well intact, as were her pajamas, which were made from a synthetic cloth.

The blood stains were faded but still visible if you knew where to look. Lorelai pulled each item out one at a time and spread them out for everyone to see. She felt numb, surreal, like she was watching the scene unfold from somewhere outside herself.

Emily had complained the entire time they were walking, but Lorelai hadn't said anything. Not a word. Not to anyone. She just walked, followed closely by Emily. Luke and Rory had stayed behind a few paces. They were there as mediators; this was Lorelai and Emily's battle to fight.

As soon as Emily recognized the items she gave a little cry, and then stood with her hand over her mouth, holding back a sob while Lorelai systematically spread everything out. She didn't care that her hands were getting filthy. She didn't care that the sun was starting to go down. She was like a robot. Lift item. Unfold item. Lay item down. Repeat. Over and over again until the bag was empty.

Luke and Rory were in almost as much shock as Emily. Lorelai had never mentioned this to either of them.

As soon as the bag was empty Lorelai looked up at her mom and asked, "Satisfied?"

Emily just stood there, staring.

Lorelai looked from the objects spread out over the ground, to her mother, to Rory, and back again, biting her lip, holding back tears. She had cried about this many times now, but not since the first tears unloaded into her pillow right after it happened had she ever actually cried for herself. She had cried for her unborn child at the doctor's office. She had cried for Rory on her first day of Kindergarten. She had cried for Max when she couldn't marry him. She had cried for Luke when she finally accepted the truth and told him. She had cried for Rory again after telling her, and she had cried for Emily earlier that day. She had always considered herself to be an emotional but controlled person. Now she was on the brink of tears again for what seemed like the thousandth time, but this time they were all her own.

Rory and Luke both saw Lorelai's face and stepped towards her to comfort her, but Emily got to her first. She reached out a hand and tentatively placed it on her daughter's arm, but Lorelai brushed her off. Luke and Rory's efforts to comfort her were greeted with the same response. She sank down to her knees, and then rolled back so she was sitting on her rear with her knees tucked to her chest. She hugged her legs close to herself and buried her face between them, sobbing openly.

Emily could have been hurt by the fact that Lorelai rejected her comfort. She could have stomped off, accusing Lorelai of making a scene. She could have even remarked that the evidence before her proved nothing other than that Lorelai had bled when she lost her virginity and then decided to hide the proof.

She did none of these things. Instead, Emily Gilmore did what she wished she had done twenty two years earlier. She sat down on the ground next to her daughter, wrapped her arms around her, and pulled her baby's head into her lap.

Lorelai could have fought her mom off again. She could have argued that Emily was only doing this for show. She could have said, 'sorry, this is twenty-two years too late,' stood up, and left.

Instead, Lorelai did what she wished she had been able to do twenty-two years earlier. She buried her face in her mother's lap and bawled.

Emily held her own tears at bay, letting out only the occasional sniff while she stroked her daughter's hair and rubbed her back. "It's okay, I'm here. It's okay," she repeated over and over again, knowing the words sounded like nothing but empty comfort but not knowing what else to say.

Luke and Rory sat down next to the pair slowly. Rory rubbed her mom's back rhythmically and Luke held her hand.

Lorelai had almost forgotten that they were there. Feeling Rory's hand drew her back out of her trance. She wasn't fifteen anymore. She was thirty-eight, had a twenty-one year old daughter, a fiancé she was madly in love with, a good job, and a good life. All things considered her life had turned out alright. She sat up, giving Luke's hand a little squeeze before letting go and wrapping her arms around Rory. She pulled her close for a deep hug and asked, "Are _you_ okay?"

Rory had been trying very hard not to dwell on the fact that she was the result of the bloody mess on the ground in front of her. She didn't know how to answer her mom's question. She pulled her mom in closer and hid her face in her shoulder.

"You," Lorelai promised, "Are the one good thing about all of this. Don't doubt that for a second."

"I know," Rory admitted, "But it's weird, you know? This is all so new to me, then to be _here,_ and see _this_…it's all very…weird, you know?"

"Yeah, kid, I know." Lorelai pulled her tighter, kissing the side of her head. Emily continued rubbing Lorelai's back. Luke put his hand on her shoulder. They sat like that a few moments, no one speaking, barely moving.

Emily shivered. Lorelai noticed. She pulled back from Rory and turned to look at her mom and Luke momentarily. "You know it's getting late, it's going to be dark soon. We should probably go."

"Of course." Emily replied. Luke stood up first and offered his hand to each of the women in turn, helping them to their feet. He embraced Lorelai for a moment, then the foursome (**A/N:** NOT dirty, get your mind out of the gutter) started walking back in the direction of the house, leaving everything from the garbage bag scattered on the ground.

--

Emily offered to let them, all three of them, spend the night, but Lorelai wanted to get back to her house and Paul Anka, things that were familiar and comforting. Luke and Rory got into the jeep, leaving Lorelai and Emily alone in the driveway for a moment. Luke was going to drive since both Lorelai and Rory were too exhausted.

"Well, then, good-bye, mom. I'll see you on Friday."

"Yes, Friday. Good-bye." Emily hesitated. "Lorelai?" She asked.

"Yes, mom?"

"I love you."

Lorelai's breath caught in her throat. She gave her mom a little smile, then said, "I'll see you Friday." She turned and headed towards the jeep. Half way there she stopped, turned her head, and said, "I love you too."

Emily beamed.

--

"Are you sure you don't need me to stay?" Rory asked for the second time that day.

"Yes, I need you to stay alive, which will not happen if you are late tomorrow morning. I _know_ Paris, remember?"

"Okay, but you'll call if you need anything, right?"

"Yes, I promise, now go!"

"Luke, you promise too. If she needs me you are to call me immediately, understood? I don't care what time it is, I will be on my way before you hang up the phone."

"I promise."

"Good-night."

"Good-night."

"Drive safe."

"I will."

"Good-bye."

"Good-bye."

"Good-bye."

And she was gone. Luke put his hand gently on the small of Lorelai's back and guided her inside an up the stairs to bed.

--

_Several months later_

Lulu caught the bouquet. Kirk mauled everyone, shoving them out of the way to catch the garter, because "No other man is marrying my girlfriend!" Their first dance as husband and wife was _Reflecting Light_, by Sam Phillips, because it had been their first dance as a couple, too. Then Liz's water broke.

All in all, a perfect wedding.

After much consideration, they decided not to take the house that Emily and Richard wanted to buy for them. They had already put so much money into Lorelai's house, and loved it way too much to move. Instead Emily and Richard paid for the honeymoon: Two weeks on a private island near Martha's Vineyard.

As much as everyone tried to convince her, Lorelai refused to see a psychologist. Rory made a few more visits to the same man she had seen upon her return to Yale, and he suggested some things that they could all try. Friday night dinners continued with the rule that everyone had to say something positive about everyone else at the table at least once, and they couldn't use anything they had used the previous week. Eventually Luke started coming on a regular basis, the only stipulation being that Richard was not to use the word "franchise" at any time when Luke might be able to hear him.

Lorelai had also, at the advice of Rory's psychologist, started to write down a detailed account of everything that had happened on the night of her rape. She also went back out to that place in the woods and re-buried all of her mementos, this time with Luke's help so that they would stay buried.

Lorelai was thinking about all of this as they pulled into the driveway upon returning from their honeymoon. It had been quite possibly the best two weeks (and the best Christmas, since they'd been there through the end of December) of their lives. Lorelai was starting to get one of those "happily ever after" feelings that she usually scoffed at.

(**A/N: If you want the story to end here, quit reading. If you plan on reading the sequel (coming soon) read the rest).**

Luke took the luggage inside. Lorelai sat down on the porch. She was admiring the two rings on her left hand when something caught her eye.

On the front step there was an envelope that they had missed before because their hands were full. On the front there was nothing but the number "10," big and bold. Lorelai grabbed it, thinking that maybe it was some sort of late wedding card and that the ten was something witty and clever that would be explained inside.

Inside was a very small piece of paper, cut from a dictionary. It read:

statute of limitations (noun) : A statute setting a time limit on legal action in certain cases. _If the statute of limitations runs out, the robber can spend his money freely without fear of penalty or incarceration._

Still thinking that it was some sort of joke that she would figure out later, Lorelai went inside. "Hey Luke, come look at this." She called, pausing by the desk in the hall. She glanced aimlessly at the "Hello Kitty" calendar. Today was December 29, 2006. January was on the same page as December, and her eyes fluttered over January 8th. She and Rory always went out on the eighth of every month to celebrate another month of Rory being alive. Lorelai hadn't told Rory this yet, but January eighth was also the date of her conception.

She counted the days. Ten. There were ten days between today and the day of her rape. Suddenly she understood the note. Luke came down the stairs in time to see Lorelai drop the envelope and gasp, covering her mouth with a shaking hand.

--

END

**Even if you have never reviewed before in your entire life, REVIEW NOW! Everyone who reviews will get a personal e-mail from me both now, and when I post the first chapter of the sequel. You know you want to. Come on. Do it. Now. The more reviews I get the sooner I will post the sequel. **

"_This is the song, that runs under the credits. These are the credits, so this is where it goes. Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey." (What? You haven't seen the veggie tales Jonah movie? Shame on you.)_

**Special thanks to: All of my reviewers, Amy Sherman-Palladino for inventing the Gilmore Girls, David Rosenthall for keeping them alive (even if it may not be exactly how we all want it), My mom for giving me life. My friend Hannah for beta-ing the first couple chapters to get me started. And lastly, thanks to Big Idea productions for the credits song. If I'm forgetting anyone sorry, you're just not that important.**

"_There once was a song that ran under the credits that went with the movie, but this is not that song t has nothing to do with the movie song we'll say, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey._

"**Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). **

"_Wouldn't it be nice if the song under the credits had something to do with the movie you just saw. But that's not the case so for now we'll have to say, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey." _

**Peace, Love, and an Ostrich,**

**Tanya**

"_There should be a rule that the song under the credits remotely pertains to the movie's basic plot. That rule has not been made so for now we'll have to say, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey. Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey…"_


End file.
